A FRIEND JUST PHONED, sobbing and desperate, because her husband admitted he’d been having an affair with a married nurse he met at his doctor’s office. And he confided they had been cheating on their mates for more than a year.

“HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED A CLUE? How could I have spotted his cheating? He never acted differently, never did anything suspicious,” she cried.

OH, YEAH? CHEATING MATES GIVE OFF VIBES. You can tell if your spouse is cheating if you check out these logical reactions.

1. DOES HE OR SHE BUY NEW UNDERWEAR? Sure they like nice things, but have they become more concerned about their thongs, briefs and other clothing? A new love makes a man or woman want to be more attractive, better groomed, better dressed, and most importantly, look better undressed!

2. THEY ARE FINALLY LOSING WEIGHT after a lifetime of trying. There may be a new incentive — a new love — in their life.

3. THEY ARE ON THEIR COMPUTER behind closed doors. It is easy to find a sex partner on the Internet. Do they act secretively?

4. SUDDENLY THEY ARE WORKING OUT. To be more attractive to a new lover?

5. SEX WITH YOU IS LESS FREQUENT and your mate is less affectionate, less likely to bring flowers, leave a love note, delight you with clever stories, or go for impromptu romantic happenings.

6. HAS HIS OR HER CELL PHONE USE BECOME MORE GUARDED? Do they leave the room while taking a call? Are there late-night unexplained calls?

7. ARE THEY SUDDENLY SHORT ON MONEY? It isn’t the economy, stupid, it might be because he’s spending his cash on a new love or she’s buying more clothes, lingerie, to look good for a new lover. Play detective and try to find bills, check receipts, etc. Nosey is smart, if you are suspicious.

8. IS YOUR MATE SPENDING MORE TIME “AT WORK?” is it really “at play?”

9. HE OR SHE BECOMES DEFENSive AND CRANKY if you ask questions about changes in plans, where they were or anything that you want explained.

10. YOUR MATE SPENDS LESS TIME WITH YOU and isn’t concerned about what you do, because he’s busy finding time for his new love.

WHEN DOUBT ABOUT YOUR LOVER is driving you crazy and you cannot get answers you believe are honest, hire a private eye. Sure it is costly, but usually one night can prove whether he’s really at the office or in a motel or an apartment. Better broke than broken hearted without the true picture. If someone is cheating on you, get the goods on him or her. Forgive or forget, but learn from the experience.

ARE YOU AT FAULT? Have you been loving and treating your mate like the special person he or she is? We all need to feel loved and appreciated. Are the kids getting all your attention? Do you spend more time watching sports on TV than with your wife? Husbands and wives need to re-evaluate if a mate cheats. What were they looking for that you are not providing?

WHO IS THE ATTRACTIVE BRUNETTE who brags that she goes “commando” every day of her life and proves it by swaggering out of her car, flamboyantly sitting down at a table? Her mini-skirts are legend, if too brief to recall. And her long legs add to the sexy picture. To her chagrin she’s learning men don’t like so aggressive a stance, such flaunting of a feminine staple. She was laughed at the last time she did her romp in a crowded bar scene. Some men are smarter than she thinks.

IS THE ECONOMY HEALED ENOUGH, and well-heeled enough, to support Le Grand Bal des Topiaires at the Palace of Versailles outside of Paris, with festivities June 23 through 28 with a minimum ticket of $5,000? Our Catharine Hamilton (Mrs. David), a leading socialite/philanthropist and founder and president of the American Friends of Versailles, is counting on a better financial setting to make her gala a success. Funds will restore the exquisite Pavillon Frais, in the garden of Marie Antoinette’s Petit Trianon domain, as a lasting tribute to the American-French friendship. Catharine has orchestrated several unbelievably elegant, memorable balls at Versailles that are still the benchmark for lavish, gilt-edged perfection, and they were attended by the crème de la crème of American and European society. On the Friends of Versailles board are: the Fred Krehbiels, the Pat Ryans, the Steven Rockefellers, the David Horns, the Juan Molyneuxes, W. Brinkley Dickerson, the Christian Odassos, Thomas Middlebrook, Edward Lee Cave, the Robert Forbeses, the John Jordans II, Nancy Marcus, the Henry Segerstroms, Diane Lloyd-Butler, the John Ridings Lees, and Madame Caroline Sarkozy-Fournier. (Surely Carla Bruni and Nicholas Sarkozy will attend.)

THE PUMP ROOM is still open, and probably will be for another year or so, until plans can be made for some other kind of playground in the Ambassador East Hotel. Breakfast is offered, no lunch, then the handsome room re-opens around 4 p.m. for drinks and a bar menu. Gone but not forgotten is the wonderful music of Nan Mason and company, which kept the bar packed for many months. John Zelewsky is assistant manager for the Pump Room and he’s dedicated to keeping guests happy. But without Nan, won’t they get grumpy?

SEXY WAS BACK, PLUS GLAMOUR and good fellowship at the extraordinary blast for popular TV executive Julee White’s 40th birthday Saturday night at Victoria’s Secret and later at the Underground. All the beautiful people were at the party — hosted by Pat Arbor, Billy Dec, Candace Jordan, Richard Dent, Marc and Maureen Schulman, Brenda Sexton, Sherren Leigh, and Susanna Nogavan — and the color to wear was red! (What can top this for Julee’s 41st?) The energy level, the networking, the flirting, the 90-mile-an-hour party made everyone forget the cold. HOT was in.

SOCIALITE/INTERIOR DESIGNER CINDY GALVIN launched her new salon, Maze Home, in Winnetka, and dozens of friends showed up to cheer her new endeavor. The handsome home furnishing store is chic and welcoming. Among attendees was Connie Coolidge, with other supporters of the Rehabilitation Institute, which gleaned part of the proceeds of the opening.

THE RITA HAYWORTH ALZHEIMER GALA and campaign for funds gets a kick-off Feb. 5 when Diane and Quintin Primo III of Capri Capital, Jim Tyree, CEO of Mesirow Financial, and Sugar Rautbord introduce the Sargent and Eunice Shriver Profiles in Dignity Award honoree Terry Moran, co-anchor of ABC’s Nightline at a reception.

WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN HE COOKS HER BEEF CONSOMME. CHEF JOHO OF EVEREST and his wife will share this dish with beef marrow quenellas, which his father lovingly prepared in their Alsace, France home. Valentine’s Day weekend you’ll find this warming, delicate delight on the Everest menu.

CHIC AND SEXY YOUNG PROFESSIONALS NEVER MISS the Auxiliary Board of the Lincoln Park Zoo’s mid-winter Passport to Discovery gala at Cafe Brauer.

The Feb. 26. Co-chairs are Jill Driscoll and John Casper.

END DOGFIGHTING IN CHICAGO is the goal of the Feb. 27 benefit at the Hotel Sofitel hosted by Jorja Fox of the CBS hit CSI. The Humane Society’s program stresses street-level intervention, dog-training classes and humane education in public schools. Proceeds of the party will go directly to high-risk communities. Besides an auction (with tickets to Oprah Winfrey’s TV show), food and dancing, Humane CEO Wayne Pacella will make a special presentation. Call 866-448-5052 for more information.

TALKING ABOUT DOGS, there’s free admission for all kids to the Dog Shows Feb. 27 and 28 at McCormick Place. One of the features is a Dancing with Your Dog segment. (My pet insists on leading.)

STEPPENWOLF THEATRE AND PLAYWRIGHT Tarell Alvin McCraney are proud to be winners of 2010 Joyce Foundation Awards.

A HOT TICKET is to the Feb. 19 Four Seasons luncheon in honor of the Joffrey Ballet’s Cinderella by Sir Frederick Ashton. Chairmen are Whitney Lasky and Shawna Owen, with junior co-chair Elena Besser. “Cindytinis” will be served and fare is Cindy’s antioxidant dishes. (Sounds like fun.) Guests will see the dancers and costumes, and hear the music. Shelley MacArthur Farley, founder of the Cinderella Scholarship for Young Girls, will be honored. Shoe designer extraordinaire Brian Atwood will unveil Cindy’s glass stilettos, and Michael Kors will launch his ball gown collection. Artistic director Ashley Wheater will share his vision for Joffrey’s Cinderella.

MEGAN QUIROZ is Joffrey’s Cinderella, and she’s sure to capture many hearts. Jan. 29 there was a Joffrey Cinderella luncheon in Los Angeles. On the committee for these sister cities events are: Rebecca Besser, Ali Larter, Lynn McMahan, Robin Berger, Leslie Bluhm, Marsha Brenner, Renee Crown, Jamee Field, Carrie Hightman, Hollye Jacobs, Tiffani Kim, Sherren Leigh, Candace Jordan, Maria Zec, Shauna Montgomery, Kristina McGrath, Coco Meers, Diane Primo, Hedy Ratner, Elizabeth Ryan, Susanne Negovan and Maureen Smith, to name a few gorgeous dancing dolls.

LOVE LADY GAGA. She will be making sparks Feb. 10 at Amfar’s benefit at Cipriani in New York City, with Sharon Stone, Meryl Streep, Elton John and Donna Karan.

SONGSTRESS SPIDER SALOFF warbles “Funny Valentine” and other love songs Feb. 14 in the home of Frank Krug as part of the Lake Shore Salon series.

WHO STORMED OUT OF A GOLD COAST EATERY, minus her mink coat, after a fight with her date? Women who witnessed the slap-and-dash were eyeing the fur and hoping to claim it if the owner didn’t return. No such luck. The unhappy lady sent a friend to pick it up.

THE DIRTIEST AND FUNNIEST MOUTH in Hollywood is on the improbable face of impish former Chicagoan Bruce Vilanch. We hear he may be launching a line of T-shirts with his punch lines. We’d buy ‘em. Bruce bon mots are priceless, ruthless and hilarious.

FIRST LOOK FOR CHARITY, the auto show’s black-tie opening benefit is Feb. 11 at McCormick Place and admission is $225. Eighteen charities will share the proceeds. You can pick the charity you prefer to get your dollars, and a 2010 Chevy Equinox will be raffled.

AQUARIANS, BORN JAN. 20 THROUGH FEB. 19, are super smart, quirky and friendly, reports astrologer Laurie Brady. They like to shock the stuffy folks around them, and they march to a different drummer. Intellectual activities appeal to them and they love their computers. Yet they are stubborn, free thinking but unyielding. They are communicators. Actor Ashton Kutcher is on the list of Aquarians. Among them are Oprah Winfrey, Bill Maher, Kay Husman, Kathleen Hartigan, Ellen Degeneres, Wayne Gretzky, J.B. Pritzker, John Hurt, Suzanne LeMignot, Neil Diamond, Alicia Keys, Tom Selleck, Phil Collins, Joan Esposito, Chris Chelios, Geena Davis, Mariska Hargitay, Mischa Barton, Tatana Ali, David Lynch and Diane Lane.

THE MIKE FERROS hosted an elegant party at their Palm Beach home and added a unique facet: Guests were asked to bring original artwork. Who knew there were potential Warhols and Monets waiting to be discovered. Art buffs tell us the most impressive creations were from Susan Crown and Suzette Bulley.

“THERE WAS NEVER AN AGE in which useless knowledge was more important than in our own.” — Cyril Joad

“WE ARE DROWNING IN INFORMATION and starving for knowledge.” — Rutherford Rogers

Mail news and photos to 5036 Fairview Lane, Skokie, IL 60077 or call 847-677-2232 or e-mail

annbgerber@gmail.com.