MY BOYFRIEND WANTED ME TO MEET his adored Aunt Harriet, and when she opened the door of her home I was shocked. He had never said a word about her appearance, and suddenly I was face to face with a Frankenstein-like, larger-than-life woman. Her misshapen head topped a massive body hidden under a caftan, and her face was like a Picasso painting. Her eyes were not aligned properly, and her nose looked like it had been an afterthought, placed like a carrot on a snowman.

STUNNED, I WALKED INTO HER TIDY living room as she put her arm around me and made small talk. Her voice was soothing, melodic and gentle, and her movements smooth and elegant. Aunt Harriet carried herself as if she were beautiful. Her handsome husband and two sons joined in welcoming us and their loving, respectful attitude toward her was palpable.

AUNT HARRIET served us lunch and I have forgotten what we ate. I know it was delicious but what I do remember was how this ugly female was transformed before my eyes into an attractive, delightful woman thanks to her sense of humor, her innate elegance and her graciousness. Her laugh was merry and infectious and her words wise and memorable. After an hour in her presence she no longer looked ugly. She had charmed me with her personality and warmth.

AS RIDICULOUS AS IT SOUNDS, her face, when animated, was lovely and I never again looked at Aunt Harriet with anything less than appreciation for the kind and motherly woman she was. Ugly? Not at all. She was an original, truly beautiful inside and out.

AND SO IT WAS WHEN WE FIRST SAW J.R. MARTINEZ, the Iraq veteran who triumphed on Dancing With The Stars. This poor burned man was so badly scarred on his face, neck and hands that it was difficult to watch him at first. As he talked, brave and determined to put up a good fight for the mirrored ball, we warmed to him, saw past the uneven skin, marveled at his white teeth, his gumption, his zest for life, and his smile.

EACH TIME WE WATCHED MARTINEZ, 28, who suffered through 27 surgeries after his Humvee was hit with a landmine and he became a human fireball, his patchwork face looked better to us. Before the TV competition was over we were praying he would win, so impressed were we with this gutsy, handsome man. Did we say “handsome?” Yes, J.R. is handsome. You could see it as he shared his dreams and his sweat.

BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER, it is said. How true. But to see beauty clearly, the beholder’s eye educated, sophisticated, must see beyond the outer layer and into the inner makeup of a man or a woman.

THINGS ARE BEAUTIFUL IF YOU LOVE THEM. Voltaire said, “Ask a toad what is beauty? A female with two great round eyes coming out of her little head, a large flat mouth, a yellow belly and a brown back.” We hope someone finds you beautiful.

WHO ARE THE HIGH PROFILE COUPLE, married for seven years, who never gave up their own condos and spend part of each month alone, and happy? “It keeps us content, with places to retreat when needed,” admitted the husband. No comment from the wife.

WHO MET HER HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART at the funeral of a mutual friend and found that old magic was still there? Both divorced, they will wed on Christmas eve.

NESTS OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS are for sale. Want Alec Baldin’s New York condo? Dr. William Scholl’s Lake Michigan home? Rihanna’s Beverly Hills mansion? Check out TopTenRealEstateDeals.com.

DAHLINGS, WHILE BUYERS SALIVATED over Elizabeth Taylor’s jewelry at Christie’s in New York City, one pampered, terminally rich matron just laughed. Who bought the 33-plus carat diamond that was top of the collection? She couldn’t care less because she has a 48 carat diamond — yes, 48 carats — but she wears her 20 carat for everyday. (Hint: This is the same dynamite brunette whose husband bought her a jet plane and had her face painted on its nose.)

COURAGEOUS GIULIANA RANCIC has had a double mastectomy after two lumpectomies failed to completely eradicate her breast cancer. We are all sisters and our sympathy goes out to her. Hopefully, it is the end of her cancer and leads the path open to motherhood. She and husband Bill Rancic strike everyone as a couple in love, good people who deserve a good life.

FASHIONISTAS FROM NEW YORK and MIAMI join our local best-dressed in getting their most flattering, sexiest gowns for New Year’s Eve at Contessa Bottega, 1 E. Delaware Place, where Contessa Helena offers a selection of classy, must-have short and long designer creations. Her Italian and French imports are to die for.

FASHIONISTAS WHO LOVE VERDURA JEWELRY viewed the dazzling new collection and lunched at Neiman Marcus’ Zodiak Room. Invitees included Service Club members and other socialites Sherrill Bodine, Cheryl Coleman, Rebecca Besser, Cookie Cohen, Saira and Lana Cooper, Hazel Barr, Gale Gottlieb, Darby Hills, Sherry Holson, Natasha Isaacs, Peggy Jester, Mary Lasky, Nina Mariano, Lyn McKeaney, Lynn McMahan, Sally Jo Morris, Michaela Parrilo, Genine Shafer, Candace Jordan, Roni Siegel, Rochelle Trotter and Leslie Zentner.

HAVING A FABULOUS TIME in New York City at Brownie McLean’s annual Mission to Mars Crystal Ball at the Doubles Club on Fifth Avenue in New York City were fashionistas and philanthropists Sue Carey and Sarena Weil. The two mingled with A-list guests from Palm Beach, the Big Apple, a little Euro-Trash and a few billonaires. Brownie, once married to the owner of the Hope diamond, told me she was always afraid of the magnificent gem. “It turned red when I held it and it spooked me,” Brownie confided. So she refused to wear it. Proceeds from her gala go to stimulate interest in science for high school grads.

THE GOOD WIFE with Julianna Margulies is a major TV hit for CBS, and the legal drama is set in Chicago. On March 12 at the annual Steppenwolf Women in the Arts fundraising luncheon at the Chicago Cultural Center, actress Margulies will be guest of honor, interviewed by Steppenwolf artistic director Martha Lavey. It should be a sell-out. The Good Wife also stars Christine Baranski, Allan Cummings and Chris Noth.

“A SUMMER EVENING WITH REESE WITHERSPOON” on Saturday, June 23 at the Ritz is the exciting benefit for the Gene Siskel Film Center of the School of the Art Institutute. The Academy Award-winning actress will receive the Siskel Renaissance Award from SAIC president Walter Massey. Perky Reese has captured hearts in films such as Legally Blonde, Walk the Line and Water for Elephants. R.S. Owens, creator of the Oscar statuette, will design a special trophy for Witherspoon. Her next movie is This Means War.

SMOLDERING SONGS from Patti LuPone and Mandy Patinkin are bringing fans to the Barrymore Theatre in New York where the duo will be warbling through Jan. 13. The longtime friends first appeared together on Broadway 32 years ago in “Evita”. In this performance, conceived by Mandy, there are dance arrangements by Ann Reinking to share the songs of Sondheim, Rodgers and Hammerstein and other favorites.

THE COMPLETE SERIES OF CRIME STORY, THAT MEMORABLE TV series in the 1980s, is out now on DVD and offers Dennis Farina as a smart, dedicated cop trying to stop mobster Ray Luca (Anthony Denison). It boasts Julia Roberts in her first TV appearance and Kevin Spacey as a senator.

HER 13TH BIRTHDAY will long be remembered by pretty Grace Sophia Lasky, daughter of Mary and Jim Lasky, because her mom flew her to New York for a fun weekend of shopping and seeing the sights. They stayed at the London Hotel and dined at Maialino, in the Gramercy Park Hotel. For Grace’s 14th? Paris?

SAD TO LEARN THAT 600 JOBS will be lost when Unilever shuts down the Albert Culver plant in Melrose Park in 2013. The brand had flourished since Leonard and Bernice Lavin took over a beauty supply firm in 1955, added Tresemme to Albert VO5, St. Ives, Pro-Line and Nexxus and then sold the business to Unilever for $3.7 billion. Bernice died several years ago. Their daughter, Carol Bernick, was an exec of the firm.

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO, the Swedish blockbuster, comes out in English on Dec. 21. We will then know if the American version, adapted by David Fincher, beats the original.

POLLY PANCOE REPORTS that Holstein Park gleaned $11,000 from its annual apple pie contest where 150 amateur bakers compete for a blue ribbon and bragging rights. Polly, of Hotel Reservation Management Inc., is known for her attractive, imaginative Pollyarts beaded jewelry and gifts. They were a sensation at a Shalva benefit for abused women.

THE 30TH ANNIVERSARY of the Chicago Academy for the Arts saw supporters at a reception co-chaired by Joanie Winter and Cheryl Bollinger. Attendees included Betty Brown, Pat Brickhouse, John Wiltgen, Camille Diaz-Perez, Anida Cohen, Michael Leavitt and Sherrill Bodine. The 30th gala will be May 10 at the Harris Theatre and Millennium Park Terrace.

THE FILM JANIE JONES was previewed at Tribeca Film Festival On the Road at the Landmark Century Centre Theater presented by American Express last month. Seen on the red carpet were producer Eric Bassett, actress Abigail Breslin, director David Rosenthal and producer Keith Kjarval.

30 YEARS AGO, NATALIE WOOD DROWNED and her death is making waves today with the yacht’s captain insisting that her fight that fateful night with husband Robert Wagner may have triggered the unfortunate event. Wagner, who looks much older now then the pix in this column, has been appearing on NCIS as the father of one of the amazing good guys, Michael Weatherly. Wagner also played the father, but no, he was revealed to be the lover of bad girl Jenny McCarthy, on Two And A Half Men when Charlie Sheen was aboard. What will come of the Natalie investigation? Nothing, we predict. No one can prove anything conclusive at this late date.

JUNO AUTHORS DIABLO CODY AND JASON REITMAN have a new movie out, Young Adult with Charlize Theron coming back home for a disastrous visit and hoping to reconnect with an old beau. We found Juno’s plot about a pregnant teen just too precious — have the baby and a rich woman will adopt it — phony and bad advice for impressionable girls. Don’t get pregnant, use contraception is a valid message. Let us hope gorgeous Charlize doesn’t get “with child” in this flick.

WILL THE MARSHALL FIELD’S NAME EVER COME BACK? NO, it has been five years and the Macy’s chain is firmly implanted in our lives. Macy’s saved jobs, kept the department store alive and deserves our acceptance. Field’s wasn’t Field’s for at least 10 years before Federated Department Stores bought the chain in 2005. Long gone were the special departments, the exclusive service, the older employees who knew everything about their wares and their customers. But, hey, this is a new day and Macy’s has its own personality and charms.

WOW! A $5 MILLION GIFT to the U. of Chicago Lab School has been given by movie mogul Sherry Lansing, a most successful alum who was the first woman to head a major studio, 20th Century Fox and later, Paramount Pictures. She is best known for bringing us Forrest Gump, Titanic and Braveheart. Sherry, who first went to Hollywood for a film career, has relatives in Chicago, including a brother and sister and many cousins. Another Chicagoan who made it big in the film industry, William Friedkin, whose fame includes directing The Exorcist and The French Connection, is her husband. After leaving the Lab School, Lansing graduated from Northwestern U. Now 67, she still reads scripts but keeps a low profile.

HANDSOME ACTOR PETER GALLAGHER, 56, has two college-aged kids and one, James, is studying directing and writing at Northwestern. His daughter Kathryn is a singer/songwriter.

“THE WAR ON DRUGS has not stopped the flow of drugs, nor has it prevented young people from acquiring them. ... Teens can buy marijuana more easily than they can buy alcohol. ... Unlike alcohol, the sale of marijuana is not regulated. By attempting to prohibit what cannot be prohibited, we have merely driven the drug trade into the seedier corners of society, turning it over to criminals (as was the case during Prohibition) and fueling horrific gang violence that is destroying Mexico and is moving further into the United States — all while making it harder for people who do have problems with drugs to get help.” —GEORGE SOROS


CONTACT: annbgerber@gmail.com or 847-677-2232