Turkeys talking on Thanksgiving eve

11/24/2010

EVERYBODY COMES WITH BAGGAGE, and it rarely is Louis Vuitton. More than likely it is a failed marriage, or two; teenage shoplifting, repercussions from drinking, drug use; petty theft, alienation of parents or friends — we’re mentioning extreme luggage. Of course, most of us are lilywhite, pristine examples of all-American men and women with nothing too shocking in our past history.
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Rich? Beware your hungry heirs

11/17/2010

THIS WARNING IS FOR MILLIONAIRES ONLY. The rest of you are probably safe. IF YOU HAVE HEIRS, AND THEY ARE ALWAYS HUNGRY FOR YOUR RICHES, this year is the best year for them, if you die. WHY? THERE IS NO FEDERAL ESTATE TAX through 2010.
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Young mom has world's worst job

11/10/2010

WE ARE ALL HORRIFIED and frightened to learn about bombs in packages from Yemen meant for Chicago. And we should be scared, and vigilant, and brave. We cannot let the bastards win.
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Young love for sale, cheap

11/03/2010

CHEATING MARRIED MEN are having the sex of their lives with beautiful young women they find through craigslist.org. One immoral, short, fat, balding lying husband confided to me that twice a week he has his pick of “10”s - -”truly stunning young girls desperate for rent money, cash to pay their bills, some even hungry for a decent meal ... and they are happy to service me in my car or where ever I take them.
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Your appliance gets last word

10/20/2010

WATCH OUT FOR LOOSE LIPS … We just learned that Kenmore, Sears’ appliances, includes a line of washers and dryers that talk! YES, TALK! WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM, you dial the service repair number and it listens as your machine explains what is wrong. Service agents then make a diagnosis to get the ill appliance healthy and working properly.

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How does it feel to be rich?

10/06/2010

WITH A GUN TO MY HEAD, held by a young robber who invaded my townhouse at Burton and Clark many years ago, I answered his question, "How does it feel to be rich"? "I'M NOT RICH," I PROTESTED, "I've worked hard for everything I have. Being rich means never having to worry about paying your bills, and I must keep working to pay my rent, buy food, clothes and everything else."
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'Hellish heliport' haunts neighbors

09/29/2010

It is still up in the air with no decision from the Illinois Department of Transportation expected until 2011. But some fearful neighbors of the Children's Memorial Hospital proposed heliport atop the Chicago Avenue medical center, east of Michigan Avenue, tell us the plan haunts and disturbs them.

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Cheating mates not to blame?

09/22/2010

THE NEXT TIME HUBBY SLINKS HOME after an affair he could use as an excuse the conclusion of authors Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha that we humans were never meant to be monogamous!
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Who lives here with 5,000 pigs?

09/15/2010

YES, RIGHT HERE ON THE GOLD COAST lives the now famous “PIG MAN” and he surprised us with his porky fixation. IF YOU’VE NEVER GLIMPSED HIM, keep an eye out for a porcine experience. ATOP HIS PROUD HEAD is a hat covered with a stuffed toy pig. His shirt bears a huge piggy face and his silver belt buckle is a glittery porker.
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No joke; laughter is healing

09/08/2010

HUMOR THERAPY, LAUGHING AND GIGGLING can lower blood pressure, ease stress, boost immune function and make life more manageable for cancer patients, if you believe in the Laughing Guru who practices laughter yoga.
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