WE ARE POISED ON THE BRINK of a new year, 2010, and our lives must get better.

FINALLY, THERE WILL BE AN END to the Tiger Woods drama, and to the Jon and Kate Gosselins’ talentless comedy, and hopefully, more jobs. Bernie Madoff’s merciless thefts fade away, although victims still suffer; and we have health care reform!

LINDSAY LOHAN will join a nunnery; Madonna will adopt Puerto Rico; and the Kardashians will get talent.

ANGELINA JOLIE AND BRAD PITT’S TACKY TABLOID ANTICS will lose their allure; Jennifer Aniston may finally find a husband; and Kirstie Alley will explode. Conservative Ann Coulter, Adam’s apple bobbing, and Glenn Beck of the tears and lies, will further contaminate TV news. Sarah Palin, loving the spotlight, will mud-wrestle Lady Gaga. Well, maybe.

WHITE HOUSE SOCIAL SECRETARY Desiree Rogers will keep a low-profile, because after the “crashing” incident her detractors surfaced.

POOR BARACK OBAMA. HE CARRIED OUR HOPES AND DREAMS into the White House, but being a mere mortal, bashed by “birthers” and a GOP that can’t stand for him to even exist much less be president, he needs the power of Zeus, Moses, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Thomas Jefferson and Elvis Presley.

GIDDY, WE ARE GIDDY, at the promise of a new year, hopefully minus the vicious political viruses of 2009. Sadly, Father Time makes no rules for improvement.

SO EXPECT ANOTHER 365 DAYS filled with the facts of life: lies, violence, sex and greed — just like last year!

WHO IS THE WITCH OF LAKE SHORE DRIVE WHO DUMPS HER CLOSEST FRIENDS without explanation, or regret, leaving them hurt and confused after years of loyalty, giving and caring? Longtime pals are male and female and deserving of much fairer treatment.

WHICH SUBURBAN MANSION boasted exquisite, lavish holiday decorations that took the florist one month to hang? Guests at the Christmas events were impressed and report there was no hint of restrained spending.

WHO IS THE GOLD COAST DIVORCEE who received an 8-carat diamond ring in her stocking? The “Santa” is married, but she’s hoping she’ll be his missus by next Dec. 25.

YES, VIRGINIA, HE-MEN DRINK TEA. ACTOR JOHN TRAVOLTA came to the Drake Hotel’s Palm Court with his two sisters and relaxed over a cup. Welcoming him, and Jennifer Hudson at another time, was special events manager Shaun Rajah. Dynamic Shaun, raised in Malaysia, was home for a visit recently. Now he’s back to his chores at the Palm and the International Club at the Drake. His career started at the Hilton Kuala Lumpur and took him to Europe. Shaun is an expert member of the Specialty Tea Institute and of southeast Asian teas.

COLUMBIA COLLEGE GRADUATE Brian Caunter, with Chicago-based production company Beverly Ridge Pictures, is rating acclaim for his Chicago Overcoat movie shot here with Frank Vincent, Danny Goldring, Stacy Keach and Armand Assante. It is a crime syndicate saga with crooked city officials, the gruff Chicago detective, in a shoot-’em-up satisfying drama.

BEST QUOTE OF THE SEASON: “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was 6. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” —Shirley Temple

ALCOHOL DOESN’T MAKE YOU FAT. IT MAKES YOU LEAN — against chairs, tables, floors and other drunks.

CHEF KENDAL DUQUE of Sepia is now at the new Cuna, 1113 W. Belmont, a Paolo Acuña neighborhood bar.

KISSY-FACE BY FEMME FATALE Alessandra Ambrosio warmed viewers at the new Victoria Secret salon on Boul Mich when this supermodel angel showed up.

SINK YOUR TEETH into the Shedd Aquarium’s Shark Art event Feb. 6. Every couple receives a work of art and dinner for a $600 ticket. Or the art feeding frenzy for one. with art, is $450. Guests get to see all the original paintings from all over the country and decide which one they. Call 312-692-2713 for more information.

SINGER ROBIN THICKE, who released his fourth album, Sex Therapy, was in town hyping Hugo Boss’s new scent at Macy’s. He’s the son of actor Alan Thicke, and is expecting his first child with wife Paula Patton.

THE FRESH DIET, the $35-a-day nutritionally acclaimed way to lose weight and get healthier, is now offered here by chef Yosef Schwartz of Le Cordon Bleu and Zalmi Duchman. Jim Karas, who trained Hugh Jackman and has a crew of personal trainers, advocates the program. Call 630-918-8960 for more information.

THE TWELFTH NIGHT MASQUE, the private, coveted party that attracts the socially secure, will get a kick-off cocktail party from 6 to 8 p.m. Jan. 7 at Hub 51. The costume gala on Feb. 6 is by invitation only, and the secret committee is busy choosing guests. There will be skits, a best costume parade and more in this 105th masked ball. Who is the grand vizier? Only The Shadow knows. Who will be invited? Only 200 or 300 guests of exceptional merit.

RICHARD AND MARY GRAY are co-chairing the prestigious Society of Architectural Historians benefit reception honoring Chicago’s Cutting Edge 70s, men and women in the 1970s whose architectural legacy endures today. They include Seymour Persky, Carter Manny, Tom Beeby, Larry Booth, Stuart Cohen, James Nagle, Stan Tigerman and Ben Weese, and the founders of Chicago Women in Architecture: Cynthia Weese, Carol Ross Barney, Gertrude Lempp Kerbis, Nancy Abshire, Gunduz Dagdelen, Natalie de Blois, Laura Fisher and Jane Jacobson. The event will be held at the Merchandise Mart on April 24 with Geoffrey Baer as emcee. Gunny Harboe will serve with the Gray chairmen. Five hundred from all over the world are expected to attend, in town for the society’s 63rd meeting.

NEAL ZUCKER AND LINDA JOHNSON RICE WERE INVITEES to the White House Christmas party. ... MAMIE WALTON is basking in the sun in Palm Desert for the next four months. ... SHIRLEY MARX IS OFF TO VEGAS. ... THE JOHN BODINES held a swinging holiday party. ... BEV PERSKY celebrated her birthday with Kay Husman, Denise Amon and Countess Mimi Fairivew at RL. ... DOLLY RYMER has a new puppy named Lola. ... THE LEO WENGERS ARE OFF TO PALM BEACH.

JAMES AND PAULA CROWN call Holly Hunt’s refurbishing of their Little Nell hotel in Aspen “inspired mountain contemporary.”

STRONGMAN JOHN COLLETTI was seen playing Santa for colleagues Steve Lombardo, Hugo Ralli, Larry Shane, Gregg Horan and chef John Coletta of the Gibsons Restaurant Group.

CHICAGO’S TOP HOSTESS, BEAUTIFUL Southern belle Catharine Hamilton engaged a Second City troupe to entertain her many friends.

MARY KAY TOUHY, who attended Art Basel in Miami with trader husband Jeff Silverman, reports art buffs were buying at sky-high prices.

CAN’T FIND A MAN TO DATE? Savvy women, and men too, are checking out international dating sites all over the world, and from some satisfied clients, we hear it is a great way to meet mates. Who doesn’t swoon over a French accent? Meetic.com is Europe’s largest dating site, and its French males are considered to be sophisticated, excellent lovers and good husbands. Brits and Canadians use PlentyOfFish.com, and Russians are contacted through Member.ru. Asians’ link is AsiaFriendFinder.com, and Indians use Shaadi.com. Australians hook up with RSVP.com.au. Looking overseas for love is acceptable and smart. Besides, it is more romantic.

IF YOU HAVE BIG BUCKS, the 26-pound $249 The Official Michael Jackson Opus is the hot gift of the season. But, hey, can Santa carry all that weight with all the other junk in his pack? This tribute to the King of Pop is an impressive coffee-table book with more than you wanted to know about Michael, the ultimate performer. The handsome leather-bound book has 400 informative pages, laden with more than 300 photos, many never seen before. There are stories, essays and positive affirmation of Michael’s greatness. It is estimated 20,000 books have been ordered to date.

AUTHOR DANIELLE STEEL has completed her 110th book, which is about embezzlement. Was she a Bernie Madoff victim?

HOWIE MANDEL’S GERMOPHOBIA is really a symptom of his adult attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and his obsessive-compulsive disorder. Here’s the Deal: Don’t Touch Me is the title of his new book about his problems.

IVANKA TRUMP IS NO DUMB BLONDE. She has come up with a “package deal” for guys who buy engagement rings from her jewelry store in New York City. With the purchase price comes a hotel room at Trump Tower, a lavish dinner, and champagne so a man can pop the question with ease.

CONGRATS TO CHELSEA CLINTON who will be the bride next summer of longtime beau and investment banker Marc Mezvinsky, 31. It will be an inter-faith marriage, as he is Jewish and Chelsea, 29, is Methodist. Marc works for a Manhattan hedge fund, and Chelsea is working toward a graduate degree at Columbia University’s School of Public Health. An ugly duckling when young, Ms. Clinton has emerged as a swan, an attractive, savvy lady.

THEY MADE THEIR POINT. There’s no jail time for the angry, vengeful women who got back at their cheating lover by using super glue to pin his penis to his stomach after luring him to a hotel room. Hell hath no fury like a femme who realizes her lover has been a lying, dirty douche bag. In this case, three women banded together to make sure the guilty lothario got his just desserts. He’s lucky they didn’t cut him up.

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