WHY JUST DEADLY RESULT PIX on cigarette packs? Sure, they cause disease and deaths and horror pix can scare some smokers away, but what about other necessary warnings?

DYED BLONDES ON BAR STOOLS should have signs, “Can cause you emotional, financial, physical harm.”

MARRIAGE LICENSES could be marked, “Are you sure you want a lifetime with this person, knowing your mom and friends hate him or her?”

REVEALING THE TRUE CALORIE CONTENT of innocent looking cupcakes could rate a “One moment on the lips, forever on the hips,” notice.

PIX OF DISEASED LUNGS, COFFINS, WITH BODIES; are planned for cigarette packs and it is one smoking hot shocker! What better way to de-glamorize this ugly, smelly habit?

DYING SMOKERS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO SPEAK before school groups and that must be the absolute ultimate game changer. Coughing lung cancer patients tell their story and who can argue against their warning?

THE ADDICTION TO COFFIN NAILS is so strong and so hard to break. We remember a handsome Gold Coast couple who looked like Brad and Angelina and were both dying of cancer because of their years of smoking. She died first of lung cancer and he kept smoking. Then he had his voice box surgically removed. He kept smoking. It took him another year to die, still smoking.

WHEN ESSEE KUPCINET, the non-stop smoking wife of Sun-Times columnist Irv Kupcinet, died Irv had a lighter and a pack of cigarettes put in her coffin.

WHEN YOU SEE SMOKERS HUDDLED in the ice and snow puffing away outside their smoke-free offices, you realize how powerful is their addiction.

BLOOD, GUTS, COFFINS, CORPSES — whatever it takes to give smokers a fighting chance at stopping should be used. Of course, cigarette makers are battling against this new labeling law by the FDA. THEY DON’T WANT GRAVE WARNINGS REVEALING THE GRISLY TRUTH.

WHO IS THE DISILLUSIONED young lawyer who just learned the father who dumped him and his pregnant mom, has a mistress, also pregnant, living two blocks away? Both mothers-to-be have the same due date in the same hospital.

WOULD PRINCESS DIANA approve of stunning brunette Kate Middleton, the bride-to-be of her son Prince William? Undeniably “yes.” Diana, a rebel, would like that Kate is a commoner, well educated, with a job and years of being with the heir to the throne. We give our Okay to Kate because she wears attractive, fashionable hats, not like the inverted, huge dust bins that Camilla and Queen Liz and other royals place on their ditzy heads. Finally a chic young woman we can enjoy watching as she climbs the royal ladder to fame and fortune and gossip and scandal and babies and all those good things that come with a fabulous marriage.

WHAT DRAMATIC CHANGES ARE IN STORE for our prime tourist attraction, Navy Pier? Acclaimed architect Helmut Jahn has visions of a larger Ferris Wheel, 500 feet tall, off a building 300-feet tall, housing theaters and other entertainment venues, according to Blair Kamin of the Trib.

GOOD IDEA FOR A BENEFIT was the Chicago Lighthouse for People Who are Blind or Visually Impaired event recently. Women brought one item of designer, couture or vintage clothing or accessories that were in a two-day sale at the Peninsula Hotel. It was a Fashionable Philanthropy party. Everyone has stuff in their closets that they can donate so they can buy more!

GIBSON’S RESTAURANT HOSTED a reception for the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library Foundation to inaugurate the newest exhibit at its museum in Springfield, “Teams of Rivals — Lincoln’s Cabinet at the Crossroads of War.” Board members and friends also saw a play, “One Destiny” by the library’s theater division. Attending were Foundation chair Wayne Whalen, Paula Wolff, John Colletti of Gibson’s; and Lori Lennon.

ACTRESS PATTY DUKE showed up at the Music Box showing of the campy cult fave “Valley of the Dolls.” Duke starred in the infamous 1967 film. She is shown in the picture by Linda Matlow, with Ed Jones, David Cerda, and Richard Knight Jr. as they paid tribute to the stars.

LOVE, DIVORCE, GLAMOUR, DRAMA — you’ll find it at Authorama, eight local authors meeting fans and signing books Dec. 7 from 5 to 9 p.m. at Karyn’s on Green, 130 S. Green. In the limelight: Sherrill Bodine with “Black Tie Affair,” Steve Starr with “Latin Movie Queens,” Marlys Beider with “Continuum,” Mary Edsey, “Best Christmas Decorations;” Jill Egizzi, “Look of Love;” Michele Lawrence with “The Good Karma Divorce;” Terri Ryan, “Life is One Big To-Do List;” Delphine Pontvieux, “Estimated Time of Arrest.” Complementary wine and hors d’oeuvres and gossip.

SHOP IN CHICAGO, the free Dec. 7 Drake Hotel hot boutiques extravaganza from 5 to 9 p.m. will offer discounted clothing, accessories, from the most coveted designers in town. And Rodger Kadet will be buying unwanted gold, jewelry and silver from shoppers at this pre-holiday party-atmosphere event.

CATHY HERTZBERG, well known matrimonial lawyer and real estate broker, is still basking in her award for outstanding sales performance with the Baird & Warner Gold Coast office.

NEED A WARM HOLIDAY FIX? Get thee to Bill Pullinsi’s “It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas” at the Munster, Ind. Theater at the Center through Dec. 19. It is the “Miracle on 34th Street” tale starring Robert Hildreth, Kelli Nichol Morgan and Jeff Diebold. This musical is priced from $20 to $40.

YOU NEVER SAW SO MANY HANDSOME GUYS, well behaved, charming, well dressed — and we’re talking about the dogs! Pets, 300, with 750 people, made this year’s Fur Ball for PAWS a black tie glamour contest, and the canines won! Founder Paula Fasseas, pictured with Dr. Jeffifer Howell-Welle, reported $770,000 was raised to help the no-kill shelters. In the spotlight at the Drake Hotel dinner were Pawla and Blu, the most adorable poodles, who wore their cowgirl outfits with owners Angie De Mars and Robin Schrauth.

MAJOR SUPPORTERS OF PAWS (Pets are Worth Saving) were out in force at the benefit. They include: Janice and Philip Beck, Barbara Bradford and Robert Sherman, Nancy & Wyllys Baird, Paula and Peter Fasseas, Mayari and Robert Pritzker, the Barry Crowns, the Richard Rinellas, the Ross Glickmans, the Bill Smithburgs, the Howard Tullmans, the Julian Macks, the Jeff Quicksilvers, Jamee and Marshall Field, Karyn Calabrese, Paul Harvey Jr., former Cubs pitcher Ted Lilly and wife Tasha; Judith Blazer, who donated $24,000; Raj Fernando and his team from Chopper Trading; Bonnie and James Spurlock, Dr. Steven Stryker and Kim Gleeson; Dina Kinnan, the John Malluls, the Gary Garretts, Louis Rosenthal, Sharon Faigin, Greg Pappas, Brandon Wilson.

LIBERACE, A ONE-EYED CHIHUAHUA was adopted at the PAWS gala and $20,000 was paid by Barbara Bradford and Robert Sherman of A. Marek Jewelers for two tickets to opening night of the Met Opera in New York City. A. Marek was a major sponsor of the annual fund-raising.

THE CHERPUMPLE MADE ITS DEBUT this holiday season as the dessert with the most! Like a “turducken” — a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey — the sweet treat is a cherry pie, apple pie, pumpkin pie baked into a three-layer cake and frosted. Humorist Charles Phoenix invented the mega-dessert.

“IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT GOD THINKS OF MONEY, just look at the people he gave it to.” — DOROTHY PARKER

CONTACT: annbgerber@gmail.com or 847-677-2232