EVERYBODY COMES WITH BAGGAGE, and it rarely is Louis Vuitton. More than likely it is a failed marriage, or two; teenage shoplifting, repercussions from drinking, drug use; petty theft, alienation of parents or friends — we’re mentioning extreme luggage. Of course, most of us are lilywhite, pristine examples of all-American men and women with nothing too shocking in our past history.

AND THEN THERE ARE THE WOMEN, usually very attractive, who were desperate, or were damaged enough to use their looks and sex for profit and a better life. We are not talking prostitutes here, or are we? We refer to some now matronly, wealthy ladies, all wearing major diamond rings and designer clothes, who got to their rich, rich marriage bed via picking up men in hotel lobbies, bars. We are not damning, just discussing. Some were known as $500 a night call girls.

WE LUNCHED LAST WEEK with a native Chicagoan who knows “where all the bodies are buried” because she was part of the prime social scene of past years. She was surprised, she told us, at how well so many of the girls, once out on the bar stools, had ended up. “I see their photos in party pix in Skyline,” she said. Many fell by the wayside, but a good number hit the jackpot.

STORiES ABOUT SECRETARIES who seduced their married bosses (and visa versa), got them to divorce their wives and marry them, are common. But when a man marries his mistress it creates a job opening, and some second wives were supplanted by a third, younger and sexier mate. It is musical desks at the office when the boss is insecure, having a mid-life crisis, or in an unhappy marriage.

SOME PSYCHIATRISTS SAY many men find it easier to love a bad girl than a nice girl. Take Carla Bruni, now the wife of French president Nicolas Sarkozy. Her affairs with the rich and famous were well documented, but who cared? The French are more open minded about love and sex.

REMEMBER THE INFAMOUS MADAME CLAUDE AND HER GIRLS? This French madam groomed high-class call girls for dignitaries and heads of state. Her femmes were so charming, so well educated, so beautiful and so good in bed that many married their eager customers. Their reputations were enhanced by their profession.

WE ARE NOT ADVOCATING A LIFE SO DEMEANING. BUT IT EXISTS, via Craigslist, via near north bars. So who will end up alone in the morgue or under the silken sheets with Mr. Possibility? It is the world’s oldest profession and it ain’t going away.

WHO IS THE SELF-PROMOTING DIVA who is ruining her husband’s life by spending so much he’s under constant pressure to pay her bills?

WHO IS THE MEDIC who just learned, at 35, that he’s adopted and is of mixed race? He never understood his dark good looks in a family of Nordic visions.

DID YOU SEE ACTRESS JOAN COLLINS as David Spade’s mom on “Rules of Engagement?” She looked fabulous, dahlings, at 77 and insisted she’s never had any plastic surgery. Even with loads of injectables she couldn’t look that smooth, but who cares how she keeps her husband, Percy Gibson, 32 years younger, from realizing he’s married to an aging legend. Joan is living testament to money can buy the look of youth...well, maybe a quick glimpse of youth.....JOAN is at Feinstein’s in New York City to Nov. 27 talking about her career in “One Night With Joan,” plus film clips.

WE MET JOAN COLLINS some years ago and looking at her mop of dark hair we asked, “Is that all your own hair?” She answered “yes” as her publicist answered “no.” (She later fired the publicist.)

WHAT RESTAURANTS IN TOWN ARE QUIET ENOUGH FOR CONVERSATIONS ? TOWN & COUNTRY lists Alinea, Il Mulino, Pane Caldo and Pelago in its current edition.

MOVERS & SHAKERS are excited about the first New Year’s Eve dinner dance at the Casino hosted by the English-Speaking Union at $250 a person. It is a black tie featuring the Ralph Wilder Orchestra. Edmund Lester is president and party co-chairs are Brian White and Mrs. Christian Pitt. Sounds like a winner.

BEST LOOKING HUNKS at the English-Speaking Union Chopin concert and reading were Marshall Erb and Jason Gorczyca.

HER BELOVED GRANDPA inspired Lisa Tortorello, Chicago author to write a book, “My Hero. My Ding: A Memoir of a Girl and Her Grandfather.” It tells the story of the extraordinary bond the two developed through life’s turmoil.

SAIGON SISTERS is the new Vietnamese restaurant opened at 567 W. Lake, and is owned by the operators of Saigon Sisters at French Market. Mary and Theresa are sisters who created the popular venue.

TZEN, LOCAL DESIGNER, saw her latest earrings worn on TV’s “Gossip Girl.”

CHUCK BERRY, INDIANA JONES, are featured in the new book “Hannukatz Saves Hannukah” by local attorney Abraham Trieger. Hero is an old hippie cat modeled after Trieger’s cousin, Jack Epstein and concerns history’s first oil crisis. The author is a Manny’s deli fan and his book is sold there with the corned beef and knishes. (We love Manny’s too.)

RICKY MARTIN HAS BEEN IN THE NEWS because he came out about his sexuality, but fans who flocked to see him at Border’s came to have him sign his new book, “Me.” He was nervous but gracious.

LAST DINNER PARTY AT THE PUMP ROOM which closes Jan. 1, will be the Dec. 3 ComCast event planned by Peter Heisinger, reports coordinator Gail Stone. New hotel owner Ian Schrager has big plans for the space and we hear it will cater to the younger crowd.

WHEN STANLEY PAUL PLAYED HIS “RED HOT & RICH” show about Cole Porter, it was a hit for the Guild of the History Museum. Biggest fans were, from left, seated: Guild president Joan Werhane, Tammy Steele. Standing: Adrienne Brookstone, Connie Barkley.

THE MEASURE OF A MAN … IT IS SAD AND SIGNIFICANT that ex-president George W. Bush has announced that the lowest moment of his presidency was when rapper Kanye West said after Hurricane Katrina that Bush “doesn’t care about black people.” It wasn’t when Bush saw flag-draped coffins, crippled soldiers, drowned victims, Iraqi civilian deaths. It was when a rapper nobody gives a rat’s ass about, hurt his feelings.

LESTER LAMPERT exhibits spectacular colored gemstones Dec. 2 to 4 at his 57 E. Oak Street salon.

WHO WEARS BRIAN ATWOOD SHOES? JENNIFER LOPEZ, KATE HUDSON, SANDRA BULLOCK to name a few stars. Chicagoan Brian, son of Dusty and Alexander Stemer, will be honored with a Footwear News Achievement Award Nov. 30 in New York City at the Museum of Modern Art. Atwood has been named Designer of the Year for dramatically expanding his namesake line with new categories and a contemporary line. Fashionistas go crazy for Brian’s ultra-sexy signature shoe, based on the red pumps Jennifer Beals wore in “Flashdance.” He says he knew from age 15 he wanted to be a designer and now spends his time here and in Milan. Brian studied art and architecture and clothing design, and modeled in Europe. He worked for Versace for five years before starting his own label. “Building a shoe is like building a house,” the handsome 43-year-old says. And he keeps them comfortable.......Brian and interior designer Nate Berkus were close buddies for several years.

AUTUMN REESER of TV’s The OC and Entourage, is now in “No Ordinary Family” on ABC as lab assistant Katie Andrews.

THE GOLDEN TRIANGLE celebrated 21 years with a Night at the Raj attended by 200 guests. John Lanzendorf helped greet visitors with owners Doug Van Tress and Chauwarin Tuntisak, who showed off their Asian art, antiques and furnishings. Interior designer Bernard and Betty-Fae Nusinow were among neighbors who came to party. Margaret Hayes brought them British Colonial items from the extensive collection at 330 N. Clark St. Also attending were Tom Murphy, Michael Gross, Lynda and Bob Esposito, Jack Frost, Lisa Heinz, Madeline Gelis, Carrol Tadroski, Jody Bergeson, Sharon Afable and Jeanne Ambrose.

NICOLE KIDMAN is the face of Omega Watches which opened a boutique last week at 909 N. Michigan. CEO Stephen Urquhart flew in from Switzerland to officiate with supporters of Rush U. Medical Center.

ANCIENT HISTORY WILL COME TO LIFE at the rising National Hellenic Museum which was given a major shot-in-the-arm at a black tie gala at the Hilton. Chef Jimmy Bannos Jr., Lookingglass Theater’s Hephaestus, and the John Linardakis Band added to the fun. Supporters included: co-chairs Vicky and Nick Kournetas, Helen Alexander, Kathy Apostal, Antonia Callas, Martha Cannis, Peggy Vranas, Stephanie Vlahakis, Aristotle Halikias, Alex Gianaras, Dr. Mary Kamberos, James Mezilson, John Calamos Sr., Ted Diamantis, Dr. James Elipas, Frank Kamberos, John Marks, Dean Papadakis, Andrew Athens, Georgia Mitchell.

A TALL GWYNETH PALTROW, with a girlfriend, lunched Friday at RL and most diners never suspected a star was in their midst. Vegetarian Gwyneth shared a Cobb salad, grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup.

THE CLARE, SWANK ENHANCED LIVING CENTER AT WATER TOWER, has been fashionably purple to remind everyone that it is Pancreatic Awareness Month, report Betty Bergstrom, new president of the Resident Council, and executive director Michel Desjardins. We all want more research and a cure.

CONGRATS TO A FINE GENTLEMAN, ED TOUHY, who turned 86 last week to the applause of Mary Kay Touhy Silverman, Jeff, Mary Pat and Eddie.

SHOP IN CHICAGO, a special pre-holiday event planned by Raymi Productions at the Drake Hotel Dec. 7 from 5 to 9 p.m. will see hot designers offering unique sales to attendees. It’s free but you must RSVP at www.ceceandmelinda.com. Rodger Kadet will be paying cash for unwanted gold, jewelry, silver and platinum to add bucks for shopping. Dior will give free makeup samples as guests browse through clothes, accessories and gift items, in a designer wonderland.

MAY YOU HAVE A HAPPY, SAFE THANKSGIVING, filled with love and turkey.

“THERE IS NEVER ENOUGH TIME, unless you are serving it.” — MALCOLM FORBES

CONTACT: annbgerber@gmail.com or 847-677-2232