HANG IN THERE AND GIVE THANKS ... TIME FADED PARIS AND WE CAN DIM KIM, the Kartrashians’ leading useless narcissist and rotten role model for young impressional, dumb girls.

KIM KARTRASHIAN’S insanely promoted “brand” is showing signs of wear and tear as the sheer phoniness of this massive butt and tiny-brained creature cavorts all over the globe, selling products and acting sad over her 72 day “marriage.” It is most telling that her former publicist, Jonathan Jaxson, with her from 2007 to 2009, admitted setting up a false “engagement story” about her and NFL star Reggie Bush using a ring similar to the one poor slob Kris Humphries gave to his creepy love. It is a hollow hoax getting attention from stupid viewers.

KIM HAS A GREAT NOSE JOB, based on pix of her teenage years, but she needs a brain job, and a morals job, and hey, maybe even a real job! What has been foisted upon us is a relentless push by momager from hell Kris Jenner offering her daughters’ intimate moments for a jaded audience to see via E! (the station that photographs anything that moves).

AND WHAT DO WE SEE FROM THE KARTRASHIANS? Me, me, me. I want more, and better and do not disrespect me by being a real person or living a real life. Garbage in and garbage out, and it is all packaged as if it is an honor to be sharing time with this shallow, boring, sad tribe of misfits making millions.

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? That there is even a picture showing selfish, greedy sisters and a mother who guides them as they screw up their lives. Gee, they cried when Kim’s sex tape with Ray J surfaced in 2007 and they are supporting Kim as she survives her latest money-making marriage. She and Kris have a pre-nup. Can we have one too, so we don’t have to live in her world anymore? How many millions is that worth?

WHO IS THE MATURE, WELL KNOWN ARCHITECT who is dumping his wife because he found his soulmate in Paris?

WHO IS THE SUPER-RICH YOUNGISH WIDOW, known for her philanthropy, who has found love? Her smile would light up Detroit.

THE GOOD NEWS ... “PERSONHOOD” flunked in Mississippi. The bad news is that anti-abortion forces will continue their fight to have life legally begin at conception, banning help for pregnant women in the process. Herman Cain lost the support of many thinking women when he declared himself to be against abortion even in cases of rape, incest, or when the life of the mother is endangered. IF LIFE BEGINS AT CONCEPTION, sperm will take on a life of their own, and in vitro fertilization, birth control pills and intrauterine devices would be illegal.

GOV. PAT QUINN GOT A STANDING OVATION at the Personal PAC luncheon at the Hilton, where anti-abortion fanatics outside held up bloody signs and called attendees “baby killers.” Awards for supporting pro-choice were given to Pam Sutherland and rape victim Jennie Goodman as 800 cheered. Melissa Widen, Mary Stowell and Margot Rosenbaum spoke before Meredith Baxter added her poignant words.

REINCARNATION WORKED for actress Holland Taylor who channeled the late, great governor of Texas, Ann Richards, in a 2-hour one-woman show at the Bank of America Theater. Taylor, a precious hoot on TV’s Two and a Half Men, wrote the play about Richards, who was tough as nails and funny as hell. Titled Ann, it mirrors her sense of humor, fairplay, outrageous behavior — depicting a truly heroic woman in politics.

BRADLEY COOPER IS PEOPLE MAG’S sexiest man alive? Most of the time he looks and acts like he’s playing dead.

YUMMY BAKED GOODS from the Hearts & Flour Bakery at Misericordia came into our kitchen and impressed our taste buds. Especially delicious were the pumpkin bread, brownies and oatmeal raisin cookies. You can order gifts which are shipped fresh anywhere in the U.S., providing fulfilling jobs for 45 adults at this home for 600 with developmental disabilities. Call 773-273-4759 or visit www.misericordia.org .

SPOOKY FUN WITH LINDA BLAIR of the ‘73 flick The Exorcist pleased fans who flocked to see their heroine at the Hollywood Palms cinemas which showed the cult film for Halloween. Linda’s main interest now is her Worldheart Foundation rescuing animals.

HOW THE REAL ESTATE MARKET HAS TANKED in Florida is evident when you hear that Hulk Hogan’s home in Clearwater, which went on sale for $25 million in 2006 has been dropped to $8.8 million. BUT IN THE HAMPTONS, home prices are up 22 percent.

OUR OPINION THAT ANTONIO BANDERAS was an ideal, rare husband, was questioned by a reader who reminded us he had been married before, to Ana Leza, when he met current wife, actress Melanie Griffith. Banderas and Griffith have always maintained they were both separated from mates, for some time, when they met and fell in love making a movie together. WHO CAN SAY when love begins and ends for another?

TWELFTH NIGHT IN 2012 means the secret committee of 12 planning the annual Masked Ball is taking it back to the Drake and inviting only its A-list. Want to go? Better start pulling strings and calling in favors. The kick-off party at O’Brien’s was a top secret happening.

IF WALLS COULD TALK the former home of billionaire Warren Buffett in California, would be worth more than the $4.5 million asking price. Buffett bought it in 1993 for $1.1 million and sold it in 2005 for $5.45 million.

ALL THAT GLITTERS DEC. 1 at the Cultural Center holiday shopping event is wares from 24 fashion designers on sale from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. offering jewelry, apparel, accessories and boutiques. Sponsor is the Department of Cultural Affairs and Special Events.

IT IS THE REVOLUTION, STUPID … YES, Occupy Chicago, New York, etc., is the beginning of the revolution against Wall Street and the unfairness favoring the rich. It will grow.

CHRISTOPHER YUM is one of the accomplished, popular waiters at bustling RL restaurant.

WORLD OF CHOCOLATE COMES TO THE HILTON DEC. 1 WITH 30 CHOCOLATIERS offering tasty treats to benefit the AIDS Foundation. Who will win best of show? Call 312-334-0935 for more info.

IRVING CUTLER is an expert on the subject of his book, The Jews of Chicago from Shtetl to Suburbs, and he gives boat and bus tours pointing out significant sites and historical events. A World War II vet, Irv has degrees from U. of Chicago and Northwestern U., and is well versed on the cultural, religious and economic history of his people. There are 160 photos in his book offering a unique, all-inclusive story.

WE ALL KNOW THAT SITTING FOR HOURS is a back-breaking health risk. What to do? Stand up at least three times an hour, stretch, breathe deeply, focus on something distant for 30 to 60 seconds, stretch again and sit down.

FANS WAITED IN THE RAIN at the House of Blues to meet cast members of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn walking the red carpet. They included Peter Facinelli, the lovely Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Charlie Bewley, and Nikki Reed. There was a performance by Christina Perri, too. The romance and sexual tension in the film make it a popular choice for couples.

PHOTOGRAPHERS GET ACCLAIM Nov. 28 when PIC holds a special party at Tocco with a fashion show, entertainment hosted by Red Carpet Concierge. Chairs are Steve Starr, Javier Enriquez and Sandra Smith. Hosts include Cindy Burns, Leah Chavie, Shari Duffy, Marco Foster, Julianne Glatz, Michelle Gomez, Marcus Reilly, Arabel Rosales, Corey Sanford and Sarah Vargo.

LEGENDARY PERFORMER HARRY BELAFONTE, 84, with wife Pamela, attended a luncheon and book signing at the Union League Club. His memoir, My Song, reveals the triumphs and pain of his long career. Fortunately for Harry, his good looks helped overcome some of the resistance to entertainers of color early in his singing and acting days.

FLEAS, FAB FLEAS, on their canine friend Amos, go to London and overhear a plot to steal the Crown Jewels! Authors Joan Bunte and Alison Madden signed copies of their new adventure book, Fred and Fiona Flea: The Crown Jewels Caper at the British School, and the kids were excited about the concept. Everybody was scratching. Fred and Fiona had been circus performers but had retired.

A COLORFUL HOLIDAY LUNCHEON Dec. 1 at the University Club is in the future of members and friends of the Service Club. Shopping and sipping and gossiping are on the menu.

CLASSY CANINES AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS raised more than $700,000 at the annual PAWS Fur Ball at the Drake Hotel, a record amount of cash for this largest no-kill shelter. Founder Paula Fasseas welcomed hundreds of “little people in fur coats” and their black-tied owners and the event was declared a “four bark” worthy benefit by all. And all were on best behavior. Little pooping, lots of kissy-face, hand-licking, soulful glances, and a minimum of barking were observed. Tiny dogs, a few brave cats, big canines, medium-sized ones — all dressed in formal shirts, ballerina costumes, jeweled collars, made the scene surreal.

PAWS SUPPORTERS included Ann Lurie, Bobbi Panter (who manufactures doggie shampoos, etc.), Bernice Pink, Dr. Steven Stryker, Richard Doermer, Ken Perrello, Nancy Pollack, Jolanta Ruege, Michael and Jo Ann Sweig, Nathan Stein, the William Smithburgs, Bonnie and James Spurlock, Judy and Howard Tullman, Kelly and Amy Salach, Henry Sotomayor, Mayari Pritzker, Sarah Norris, Janice and Phil Beck, Carol and John Walter, Bruce and Deborah Crown, Gregory Pappas, Brandon Wilson, Kim Gleeson, Cheri Lawrence, Dr. Kurt and Julie Miller, Sheryl and Chip Lesch, Ross and Suzie Glickman, Ashey and Jeff Quicksilver.

SALUTING PAWS were Walter and Suzie Jacobson, Michael and Susan Frank, Paul Harvey Jr., Marc, Sandy, and Lauren Walfish, Ben and Andrew Lurie, Suzanne Le Mignot, Brenda and Jack Pickleman, the Fifield family, Nancy and Michael Timmers, Mark Muheim, Emily and Mark Mullen, Sharon Faigin, Louis Rosenthal, Mike, Kristina, Julianne, Ryan McGrath, Julian and Amy Mack, James and Dawn O’Neal, Tess Ottwell, A. Marek Jewelry, the Markos family, the Canning family, Nancy Baird, Ezekiel Karino, the Lawrence Weislers, Angie De Mars, Anna Davlantes, Renata and Robert Block, Pam and Ed Carey, Joanna Mallers, John Simon, and three mice who were turned away at the door.

80 CHRISTMAS TREES from around the world are on display in the offices of County Treasurer Maria Pappas and a Dec. 2 party showcases the holiday display.

BONNI GROSS WON FIRST PLACE in a costume competition at the Drake Hotel’s Palm Court.

MAYOR RAHM EMANUEL, FORMER MAYOR RICHARD DALEY AND MAGGIE attended the 2,000 guest U.S. Holocaust Museum Lambert luncheon at the Sheraton. Luncheon chairs were Betty and Leo Melamed, Terry Duffy and Craig Donohue. Melamed spoke movingly of his escape from the Nazi and longtime museum supporters Diane and Hal Gershowitz were honored. Neil Bluhm and Judd Malkin added their views and author/scholar Deborah Lipstadt, leading authority on Holocaust denial, brought attendees up to date on the untenable situation. Her most recent book, The Eichmann Trial marks the 50 years since this landmark trial. More than 100 local Holocaust survivors were present.

DAHLINGS, DOESN’T EVERYONE GO TO ISTANBUL for a pool party with interior designer John Robert Wiltgen? Well, almost everyone. This man-about-town invites clients and guests to party with him in a fascinating place each year. In 2010 it was Nice. This year, Istanbul. The photo of John and his harem was taken during the farewell dinner for 12 that John hosted, ending the group’s weeklong stay in Turkey. It took place in the lobby of the hotel built in 1854. In the hotel’s $40,000 a night Sultan Suite, John had three butlers to do his bidding. Sultan John is at top, with Cheryl Hoban, Tere Proctor, Alice Loftis, Yuriko Byers, Margaret Carlson, Dora McDonald, Kiyoko Binosi, and Anna Balice.

WHO WAS THE GIGOLO caught going through drawers in the bedroom of the woman hosting a Halloween party? Another guest walked in and ended up knocking him out. He is insisting he was just looking for a Kleenex.

MAY YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES have a safe and blessed Thanksgiving with peace of mind and piece of turkey.

“WHEN ONE DOOR OF HAPPINESS CLOSES, ANOTHER OPENS; BUT OFTEN WE LOOK SO LONG AT THE CLOSED DOOR THAT WE DO NOT SEE THE ONE THAT HAS BEEN OPENED FOR US.” —HELEN KELLER

CONTACT: annbgerber@gmail.com or 847-677-2232