PARENTS ARE THE BONES ON WHICH CHILDREN CUT THEIR TEETH, were the wise words of actor and author Peter Ustinov.

CRIES OF “BAD MOTHERING” in two current cases echo the anger and hostility felt by many youngsters who insist they were “victimized” and unloved by their moms. And in both situations there is little or no sympathy for them. In one case, where the children filed a lawsuit seeking damages because they didn’t get toys or cash, we would recommend a good spanking is in order for the plaintiffs. What do you think?

TWO GROWN CHILDREN who lived with their divorced lawyer father in a posh home in Barrington Hills, accused their mama of bad mothering because she called her daughter at midnight to tell her to come home from a party, didn’t send care packages when they were in college, didn’t buy toys, sent a card the boy didn’t like, and for this “emotional distress” the brother and sister asked for more than $50,000. What childish complaints.

WHAT AN OBVIOUS ATTEMPT to embarrass their mother. Other complaints were that she argued over the cost of a party dress and told her son, then 7, to buckle up in their car or she would call the police (let the spankings begin).

THE JUDGE IN THE CASE, Kathy Flanagan, rightly said the lawsuit amounted to nothing more than children suing their mother for what they insisted was bad mothering. The mother called the suit “harassment.” It reminds us of the saying, “Sharper than a serpent’s tooth is the pain from an ungrateful child.” Their case was dismissed.

MARTHA STEWART’S DAUGHTER, ALEXIS, 46, pulls a “mommy dearest” on her famous mother, in her new book Whateverland: Learning to Live Here. She says she never got an allowance (although she did many chores) and cries that she had to wrap her own Christmas gifts. How truly awful!

BUT WHAT STAGGERS THE IMAGINATION IS ALEXIS’ COMPLAINT that there was rarely any food in the house — just lots of ingredients for meals. Stewart’s kitchen bare and little Alexis hungry for cookies and treats and love? No picture perfect casseroles, pies and roasts? Gimme a break.

LITTLE SYMPATHY, IF ANY, WILL GO TO ALEXIS. After all, there were gifts in the unwrapped boxes and food to eat, and she was reared in the lap of luxury with cats, dogs, horses and trips to summer camp. And they made gingerbread houses together although Alexis couldn’t eat them.

OUR PARENTS ARE GODS TO US when we are growing up and we lived or died by their approval or their disappointment. When we get older and hopefully wiser, we realize that no parents are perfect and that financial conditions, etc., shaped many of their actions that dismayed us.

ARE WE BETTER PARENTS BECAUSE WE LEARNED lessons from our childhood? Let us hope so.

REMEMBER, NOBODY GETS A PONY.

WHO IS THE YOUNG STUD, smart, perfect manners, built like a Greek god, who is a dirty rotten womanizer, specializing in mother and daughter seductions? And he brags about his conquests. A word to the wise…

CERCLE PRIVE or Private Circle will be the name of the exclusive, swank club on the Gold Coast planned by Jean-Pierre Duteron with dues of $400 a year and a one-time $2,000 to join. Live entertainment and a DJ are promised in a chic, art deco atmosphere for our movers and shakers. A location at the Churchill has been eliminated.

BUTCH MCGUIRE’S will be the scene Nov. 19 for a book signing from 5 to 7 p.m. for Joyce Selander’s book, Joyce, Queen of the Mountain about her years at the Chicago Board of Trade. Her memoir has it all — sex, murder, drugs, mayhem and the traders who made it happen.

ACTRESS HOLLAND TAYLOR, one of the reasons Two and a Half Men is a TV hit, is in town for her one-woman show, Ann, about that great lady, the late Ann Richardson. Taylor spent a day with Second City students at their Training Center revealing how it was to work with Charlie Sheen and other tricks of the trade.

A RARE SHOOTING STAR blessed the marriage of Jacqui Monieson and Ron Liberman at the home in Phoenix of her parents, Jannie and Elliott Pearlman. More than 150 from all over the world attended the glam, black tie celebration that capped four days of lavish parties. After the ceremony, Elliott sang and played the guitar in a unique, special song composed for the couple. Ron, son of Ziv and Tali Liberman, and Jacqui, welcomed guests including the Stuart Nathans, the John Reillys, Gale and Ardie Sayers, Mary Kay and Jeff Silverman, Ira and Nadine Epstein, Bob and Hedwig Golant, the Howard Simses, the Jerry Michaelses. IT WAS WHILE the handsome couple were saying their vows that the shooting star flashed across the heavens and was seen as a good omen for love and happiness.

CRIMES OF PASSION AND MURDER SHE WROTE inspired jewelry designer Stephen Webster, a dangerous Brit, to create stunning rings, necklaces, bracelets with daggers, guns and poisoned apples out of precious stones like rubies, diamonds and emeralds. He showed his unusually bloody good gems to fans at a Neiman Marcus personal appearance.

THEIR FOURTH KAMEHACHI Japanese restauarant was opened by Sharon Perazzoli and Giulia Sindler at 1531 N. Wells.

MEET THE GORGEOUS MISS HISPANOAMERICA ILLINOIS 2012, the dark-haired curvaceous Yesenia Hernandez.

SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to PRINCE CHARLES (still waiting for the throne), Joe Mantegna, Ed Asner, Meg Ryan, Danny De Vito, Martin Scorsese.

FRIENDS WERE SADDENED to hear that the marriage of Hugh Hefner’s daughter, Christie, and developer Billy Marovitz has ended after 16 years.

OUR CONDOLENCES to Jim Wilkin on the death of his brother, Fred Wilkin Jr., a noted science educator, illustrator, writer, of cancer at age 81.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS toasted veteran lawyer Mary Oppenheim at a birthday party at the Parthenon filled with love and respect for this amazing, charitable matriarch. Joey Wortell, songwriter and singer, serenaded her on his guitar with a special tribute, “Dear Aunt Mary, We Love You.”

PAMPERED PETS STOLE THE SPOTLIGHT at the rocking, sold out PAWS Fur Ball at the Drake Friday night. Hundreds of dogs, with 650 people, partied with heavy petting, a little barking, hardly any pooping and lots of love to go around for the wee canines, big dogs, a few brave cats.

Founder Paula Fasseas, donor Ann Lurie, chairs Dr. Kurt and Julie Miller were thrilled with the crowd of dedicated supporters of this no-kill shelter.

A DINNER IN HONOR of Princess Maria Gabriella of Savoy was held at the Drake Hotel, sponsored by the Italian American Chamber of Commerce and the Italian Cultural Institute to showcase her book, Jewellery of the House of Savoy, which boasts photos of the amazing collection and costs $155. She is the third child of the last sovereigns of Italy, Umberto II and Queen Marie Jose. Greeting Maria was her Imperial Highness Maria-Anna Galitzine who lives at the Drake Hotel.

FOUR COUPLES OPENED THEIR HOMES so members of the Old Masters Society could meet and toast the new president and Eloise Martin, Director of the Art Institute, Douglas Druick. They were Jill and Dick Almeida, Leslie and Tom Kennedy, Anne and Will Hokin, and April and Jim Schink. All their residences are known for eclectic art collections.

JOHNATHAN HARDING IS EXCITED ABOUT THE NEW PUMP ROOM in Ian Schrager’s renovated Public Hotel. He was assistant manager of the Ambassador Hotels years ago after presiding at the 21 Club in New York City. In publicity for the old Pump Room, photos of Johnathan with PR director Audri Adams in Booth Number One told the story of the gilt-edged room with its flaming sword entrees and exquisitely dressed patrons. Waiters wore high white-plumed turbans and guests dined and danced ’til the wee hours. Alas, all is gone but the flavor lingers on in the chic new Pump Room, bright and modern and inviting. If only there were stars to shine there like the old days.

SWING DANCERS keep the Flat Cats playing at the Drake Palm Court, with 30 to 40 gyrating bodies coming out on Saturday nights, reports Marianne Ronquillo. A fitness professional, Marianne loves to keep in shape via the dance floor. Go girl!

BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Dorothy Ash, a blond beauty who brightens up the Hallmark. A former professional dancer, she still has the moves.

A CELEBRATION OF THE LIFE AND LOVES OF PETER ALLEN IN SONG was a smash at the Wilmette Theatre. The production was by Phyllis Lipman with musical director Bob Moreen, and starred talents Nan Mason, Sam Samuelson, Jim Rollins, K.J. McCammond, Pam Peterson and Will Anderson.

MISS ILLINOIS INTERNATIONAL IN A RECENT COMPETITION is Christina Garcia, wife of ABC 7 news reporter John Garcia. Congratulations!

ARE VAMPIRE MOVIES AND TV SHOWS bad for impressionable kids? Better be aware of the possibilities after a Texas teen, Lyle Bensley, 19, tried to suck a woman’s blood. He is awaiting a psychiatric evaluation. Found growling in a parking lot wearing only shorts, Lyle claimed he was a 500-year-old vampire who needed to “feed.” Vampires have a unique appeal because they do not die and are able to stay young and attractive for an eternity, according to vampire hype. Sounds promising in a wild and frightening world. But drinking blood? Won’t a Coke do just as well?

“IF THEY REALLY WANTED TO CUT TEEN PREGNANCIES, THEY WOULD PAY WOMEN WHO HAVE HAD A COUPLE OF KIDS TO VISIT SCHOOLS AND SHOW THEIR SAGGING BOOBS, VARICOSE VEINS, STRETCH MARKS, TUMMY FAT, AND PILES.” —JENNY ECLAIR, ENTERTAINER

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