AS IF WE DIDN’T KNOW THAT WEALTHY FAT MEN are found desirable by husband-hunting women, a study by a Columbia University researcher Pierre-Andre Chiappori confirms that the physical picture may not be appealing but the cash makes overweight males highly eligible.

OF COURSE BOTH MEN AND WOMEN PREFER slim, attractive, rich mates to poor, fat mates, but socio-economic appeal allows fat men and women, to be at the top of desirability. They don’t have to settle for less desirable partners.

MEN COMPENSATE FOR FLAB with cold, hard cash, reports a story in the New York Post, while women make up for their extra poundage with an extra year of education. “Our findings tell us that physical appearance is not such a big deal, and it’s easy to compensate for,” said Chiappori. A hefty woman can make up for her less-than-perfect body by being more educated.

IN THE DATING MEAT MARKET, a sense of humor and a kind heart don’t cut it like big bucks. Think of couples you know. Many of the men are bald, fat and have trophy wives — all because they can offer a lavish lifestyle. Donald Trump isn’t too fat and he’s married his choice of trophy femmes, but even if he gained another 100 pounds, he’d be at the top of the marriage game. Fame and fortune are hard to resist. Sports and rock stars, TV and movie performers, and Internet giants are worth zillions.

DO MOTHERS STILL ADVISE DAUGHTERS, “IT IS JUST AS EASY TO LOVE A RICH MAN AS A POOR MAN?” Perhaps they should say, it is just as easy to love a fat, rich man. There are more of those than millionaires who look like trim hunk George Clooney.

WHO CAN DENY THAT MONEY is the greatest aphrodisiac? There is a proverb: “IF YOU ARE RICH, YOU ARE HANDSOME, WISE, AND YOU SING WELL, TOO.”

ADD, “AND THAT BRIONI SUIT DOESN’T MAKE YOU LOOK FAT.”

WHO IS THE YOUNG WIDOW who seduced her best friend’s husband, got him to divorce his wife and marry her, all within a year? They are honeymooning in Venice and Paris.

WHILE CANCER EXPERTS ARGUE about the right age for women to start having mammograms, 40 or 50, TV personality favorite Giuliana Rancic, 36, was diagnosed with breast cancer while undergoing fertility treatments. Her doctor insisted she have a mammogram and they found an early stage tumor. With husband Bill and friends and fans supporting her, Giuliana is back on E! and realizes how fortunate she was to have a medic so savvy he has probably saved her life.

NUDE MODELS IN FAKE ADS by photographer Steven Meisel make the current issue of W magazine not for the prudish.

TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS, Steve Martin and Martin Short made guests at the JUF Vanguard event at the Sheraton forget all the bad news in our world with a comedy routine that had the room rocking. Short had gems like, “Paris may be a Hilton but she acts like a Motel 6.” Steve showed his achingly hilarious “The Great Flydini” routine with a phone, singing puppet, flowers, a lit cigarette, a martini, eggs and more coming out of his fly. If laughter is the best medicine, the 800 present are cured of whatever ailed them.

FABULOUS, SENSATIONAL, the Service Club’s Evening at El Morocco at the Four Seasons was socko! The glitterati dazzled in their best designer duds, the steaks were as tender as Rahm Emanuel’s heart, the luminaries never stopped talking, dancing and people-watching for a slam-dunk social milestone. Chairs were lovelies Dusty Stemer, Toni Canada and Laurie Davis who welcomed guests to the 121st gala of this unusual charity that has only volunteers, no paid employees. Every dollar goes to charity. Sexy songstress Shelley MacArthur Farley charmed the crowd.

STANDOUTS AT THE SERVICE CLUB ROMP INCLUDED: the Kurt Mullers, Bill Bartholomay, John Regas, President Sherrill Bodine and husband John, the Tom Careys, Susan Gohl, Cookie Cohen, Stuart Feinberg, the Marc Schulmans, the Bill Smithburgs, the Howard Silvermans, Rick Varnes, Sarena Weil, the Richard Weinbergs, Dr. Jeffrey and Tina Weller, Brian White, Jim Kinney, the Robert Zentners, the Charlie Trotters, Kevin Sullivan, the Steve Lombardos, the Bob Marianos, the Michael Marcheses, the Mike McGraths, Jerry Mickelson, the Barry Montgomerys, Sean Eshagy, Peggy Jester, Brendan Bryant, the Richard Coopers, Anthony Rossi, the Dominic DiFriscos, Ken Norgan, Sean Rajah, the Jerry Ropers, the Walter Jacobsons, the David Kronfelds, the Bernard Levitons, the Jim Laskys, the Jerry Laskys, the Caeser Jakubowskis, the Charles Hannons, Martha Gutierrez, Irene Michaels, Arny Granat, the Peter Fasseases, Kim Gleeson, the Chris Coopers, the Eric Coopers, the Joel Brodskys, the Charles Bessers, Cheryl Coleman, Jim Stone, Cathy Bell and Elizabeth Bertucci. Sexiest gown graced the heavenly body of Lynn, wife of Dr. John McMahan.

WHO WILL BE PRESIDENT IN 2012 was the theme of the Halloween political posturing in Mark Weyermuller’s Wilmette front yard. He had life-sized figures of Obama on the left, Mitt Romney on the right with Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Herman Cain, etc. — plus Rahm with a dead fish and Rod Blagojevich with a hairbrush. There was also a Cubs graveyard of disappointments for the 103rd year in a row. You can’t say Mark doesn’t have a sense of humor. There was even a Charlie Sheen clone wearing a “winning” T-shirt.

WHAT CAN BE MORE FLATTERING to a husband than to have his pretty wife sing him a heartfelt tribute on his 70th birthday surrounded by 70 friends? Don Conover, the chemist who created the Lemon Pledge scent, among other distinctions, was feted at a lavish party hosted by his wife, cabaret queen Denise Tomasello and it was a smash. Denise had Gibson’s cater and the dinner was divine, with a band playing, toasts offered and a film of Don’s life cheered. And the melody lingers on…

SINGING WAITER JOHN MAHADY has postponed his show at the Mayne Stage to Nov. 20 at 2 p.m

CONGRATS TO MIKE MURPHY who gave his 63rd pint of blood to help others.

THE MOTHER OF FIVE CHILDREN, actress Meredith Baxter will be guest speaker at the Personal PAC Awards luncheon Nov. 11 at the Hilton, announced chairs Mary Stowell and Margot Rosenbaum. Meredith is an outspoken advocate for women’s equality, pro-choice and proud of it. She has been in 50 movies. Pam Sutherland and Jennie Goodman will receive awards for help in getting reproductive health laws passed and for championing rape victims. Personal PAC is a bipartisan political action committee dedicated to electing pro-choice candidates. Call 312-422-0005 for more information.

CLASSIEST GOWN at the Chicago History Museum’s Costume Ball was the petite J. Lynne Bredfeldt, PR director for the Park Hyatt Hotel. Her elegant golden bronze sheath was the creation of designer Dorine Vidoni, an Argentinian talent. Lynne hosted a Vogue fashion evening at the Public Hotel that attracted some of our town’s beautiful young professionals.

BROWNIE MCLEAN, who turned down the Hope Diamond, (it scared her when it turned red in color), hosts her annual Mission to Mars Crystal Ball at the Doubles Club on Fifth Avenue in New York City Nov. 18. Proceeds benefit a science in space architecture graduate program.

“LOOK UNDER YOUR PLATE,” said Tom Ryan and Charles Kracovec, hosts at a dinner party that included Jo and Newton Minow, best known for that famous quote, “TV is a vast wasteland.” (Newt was former chair of PBS and is a well known lawyer and Jo is on the board of many important charities.) So they looked under their plates and what did they see? Page 177 from my 1983 cookbook, Chicago’s Classiest Cuisine, which had three of Jo’s recipes and a pix of the couple. They hadn’t realized the recipes for roast beef with anchovies, shrimp de jonghe and potato chip cookies they were served and which they savored, were taken from the book.

LOVERS’ RINGS. THAT’S WHAT THE CHINESE call our engagement rings and wedding bands and they are popular sellers at Tiffany’s, reports Bonnie Mitchell. Tourists are buying them even if married for years.

NEW DESIGN SALON IN LINCOLN PARK has been opened by Mitchell Gold and Bob Williams and at the opening 40 designers and Tipper Gore, whose photos are on sale there, came to the party. Among guests: John Cannon, Cary Frank, Janet McCann, James Dolenc, Tom Riker, M. Grace Sielaff and Tom Segal. Cannon and Frank are designing an oil broker’s mansion in Accra Ghana.

TZEN JEWELRY HAS BEEN GRACING GOSSIP GIRLS Leighton Meester and Blake Lively.

DRESSAGE EXPERT SUSAN GOHL was profiled in the Horse People’s Sidelines issue that highlighted her horse, Enigma, bought five years ago. Susan is one score away from her USDF gold medal. Her love of horses started in childhood and Arthur Konyot was one of her teachers. Susan married Fred Gohl, joint-master of the Fox River Valley Hunt but when he stopped riding, Susan took up dressage. “It enables me to be alone with my horse … it gives me a sense of peace,” Susan said.

“CATS ARE INTENDED TO TEACH US THAT NOT EVERYTHING IN NATURE HAS A FUNCTION.” —GARRISON KEILLOR

CONTACT: annbgerber@gmail.com or 847-677-2232