CHEATING MARRIED MEN are having the sex of their lives with beautiful young women they find through craigslist.org. One immoral, short, fat, balding lying husband confided to me that twice a week he has his pick of “10”s - -”truly stunning young girls desperate for rent money, cash to pay their bills, some even hungry for a decent meal … and they are happy to service me in my car or where ever I take them.

“SOMETIMES I GIVE THEM JUST $50. If I really like the kid I’ll give her $100 and promise more the next time we get together. But that never happens. I don’t want needy types, and most are. There are so many out there to choose from, it is a fresh crop for me each week.

“I PLACE AN AD THAT STATES: ‘SUGAR DADDY SEEKS COLLEGE CUTIE’ and I get dozens of pix and calls. Some of the girls are beautiful — and by the way, I rarely use a condom. I am the boss. These young girls are so desperate they’ll do anything. In a way it is sad, but what the hell, I do help them out.”

ANOTHER KING OF THE CHEATERS told me, “I have a summer home in Indiana and I take the girls there. My wife never suspects a thing. I have slept with maybe 85 young beauties. Who needs a pimp? These girls don’t have to share the cash I give them. Some live in expensive mansions, with their unsuspecting parents, and some drive Mercedes. All tell me they need extra cash for books, bikini waxes, clothes — whatever. I’ve heard a zillion sob stories. Rarely, in my experience, are they on drugs.

“SOME ARE TURNED ON BY THE EXCITEMENT, THE GUILT — and they tell me that their friends are into internet sex, too, to make a buck. Don’t confuse this with professional hookers,” he laughed. “They want at least $200 or more an hour and I can have these unspoiled babes for $50 or $75. They don’t advertise, they answer my ad. Some are in school, some just lost their job and some are bored with guys their own age.

“IT IS A JUNGLE OUT THERE — filled with stunning “Janes” for my Tarzan. The internet is a guy’s best friend!”

YES, I KICKED HIM IN HIS CROTCH before we said goodbye, but the poor bragging slob was so high on his ugly lifestyle he couldn’t have cared less.

GET IT IN WRITING! Another longtime mistress has had her dreams of affluence destroyed when her super-rich lover died leaving her zilch after promising her millions. How dumb are these trusting femmes? The wives get all the loot, all the respect, all the stocks and bonds. Get it in writing or get it before he croaks.

WHO IS THE INVESTMENT BANKER AND BOARD DIRECTOR divorcing his sixth wife, has already spent $2 million on lawyers.

A CELEBRATION OF OUR CITY AND ITS ARTISANS is set for Nov. 12 at the Chicago Mart Plaza Hotel when designers will showcase their talents for fashionistas. Clothing, hats, jewelry, vintage treasures, will be on the block. Chairs are Susanna Negovan and Rian Walker.

WHAT A GREAT INVENTION! Why didn’t you think of making a bra that turns into two gas masks? Dr. Elena Bodnar won a prize for her brassiere that can save lives if there is another Chernobyl-like disaster. Wearers would not inhale fumes that cause radiation. It would be useful in terrorist attacks. And it sells for only $29.95 as the Emergency Bra.

FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE watch out for bike riding diva Nadja Michael, the curvy, sexy Lyric opera star who bewitched us as Lady Macbeth. Nadja bikes each day from Millennium Plaza to the opera house. This single mom of two daughters was almost hit by cars twice since she’s been here. The elegant blond is enamored of our city, loves Japanese food, was a vegetarian for 10 years but no more, and makes a rich, buttermilk pancake that her kids adore. She’s blessed with tons of energy, and appears to be that rare talent — a happy individual.

BEST PARTY OF THE YEAR may be the Service Club of Chicago’s The Magic of the White City Nov. 5 at the Four Seasons with special guest, author Erik Larson who wrote the best seller “The Devil in the White City.” Singer Nan Mason and Terry Higgins spark an after party cabaret. Chairs are Vonita Reescer and Sally Jo Morris.

FANS OF OUR DAVID SCHWIMMER are delighted that the quiet actor has found a soul mate and married British photographer Zoe Buckman. David is pictured here as he walked the red carpet at the Chicago International Film Festival as director of the new flick, “Trust.” David, a co-founder of Lookingglass Theater, co-wrote a play of this movie about an online sexual predator. It has vengeance, drama and should be seen as a warning to innocents.

YOU THINK THE VALUE OF YOUR HOME has dropped? The Greenwich, Conn. mansion of hotel heiress Leona Helmsley was listed at $125 million in 2007. It just sold for $35 million.

READER PHIL HANNEMA, a lover of great pizza, didn’t agree with my choice of Balsan’s in the Elysian Hotel for a super thin, crispy delight. Every pizza has its charm, Phil, so tell me your best pizza fix.

WHEN SINGER ANDREA MARCOVICCI FLEW HERE TO RECEIVE AN AWARD from the Chicago Cabaret Professionals, she brought with her longtime accompanist and former Chicagoan, the super talented pianist Shelly Markham, who now lives in New York City and L.A.

MICKEY SEGAL, serving 10 years for Near North Insurance fraud at Oxford Correctional Center in Wisconsin, had a visit from longtime friend Jerry Berliant. Jerry found him in good spirits and hoping for an earlier release. We are not alone in assessing his sentence as excessive for problems with his own firm’s finances.

ONE OF THE GOOD THINGS about “The Good Wife,” a truly sensitive, intelligent, adult TV series, is actor Alan Cumming. He was here to receive an International Film Festival award. The 45-year-old Scottish talent plays a character said to be based on our Rahm Emanuel, a political spin doctor. Alan adds a potent personality to the show, shot in New York but with Chicago roots. He’ll return here in May for a one nighter at the Harris Theater of his cabaret show “I Bought a Blue Car Today.” Sounds like a fun ride.

KIM KARDASHIAN, 10 POUNDS AWAY FROM BEING A HASBEEN, hobbled into the Michael Hill jewelry store in Water Tower Place to hype a promotion and meet 100 fans. Great nose job, curvy butt, no talent and way shorter than we thought. Meowww.

LOVE CHILD OF CLARK GABLE AND LORETTA YOUNG, Judy Lewis headlined the Howard Brown Health Center’s handbags & halos luncheon at the Palmer House. She was so unlike a Hollywood product — she’s plump, greying blond, sweet and so friendly that everyone adored her. Judy, whose Gable-like ears were so huge she had plastic surgery at age 7, only met her father once, when she was 14 and she didn’t know he was her dad until she was 31. Now a clinical psychologist, Judy has advice for everyone — don’t harbor family secrets (like hers), keep everything open and above board. She’s madly in love with a man she knew when she was 14, Steve Roland, and she has a daughter, Marna, 12, from her first marriage. Sounds like a happy ending to a weird scenario. Judy thought she was adopted and she never fit in.

THE MAGNIFICENT ASTOR STREET MANSION and gardens at 1416 N. Astor, owned by the late John and Annie Gray, is back on the market. When dreams of the Spire died, the Irish owner gave up the property.

LONGTIME BUDDIES talked fashion when British designer Zandra Rhodes showed her fur collection at Neiman Marcus. Photographer Victor Skrebneski and Zandra reminisced about Jackie Kennedy and Princess Diana wearing gowns that Zandra created. The Zodiac room at NM was filled with Zandra’s fans and clients.

STAGING THE GLAMOROUS INTERIOR is the topic of Pauline Metcalf, historian and author, Nov. 16 at the Casino for the Royal Oak Foundation and the English-Speaking Union. Syrie, wife of Somerset Maugham, of an ultra-chic lifestyle, is the subject of Metcalf’s new book.

708 WOMEN FELL IN LOVE WITH ROB LOWE when the charismatic actor came to the Hilton to add pizzazz to the Lynn Sage Cancer Research Foundation’s annual luncheon — Make it 709, add me. This handsome leading man lost his grandmother, and mother to breast cancer and his message was eloquent and sincere — support research, we must find a cure. Event chairs were Charlene Lieber, Terri and Barry Lind, Lili Ann and Richard Zisook. Although breast cancer was on everyone’s mind, and we praised Lowe’s committment, we asked him about his upcoming reality show, “Potomac Fever,” a D.C. based series about young political types clawing their way up the ladder to fame and fortune and serving their country.

ROB LOWE’S YEARS ON “THE WEST WING” have led to this new endeavor, picked up by E! Entertainment. “You would not believe the number of idealistic young people who work in D.C.,” he told us. “The city couldn’t function without them.” He aims to deliver their stories as they live and love and vote.

BACK TO THE BREAST CANCER BATTLE. Supporters of the Sage benefit included: ANDREA GORDON, STEPHANIE LIEBER, JULIE LAMPERT, ASHLEY NETZKY, LINDA WEINSTEIN, META BERGER, ALICE AND ROBERT ABT, SCOTT BOBEK, LINDA ROBIN, ROZ SUPERA, BARI AND PENNY ANIXTER, DOLORES BARNETT, MARJORIE BINDER, JOE BROWN, ERIN FITZGERALD, ANDREA FOX, MELISSA FADIM, CAROL BEITLER, JIMMY AND NANCY GOLDING, IRIS GRADMAN, ILENE GREENFIELD, SUSAN GOOD, HANNA GOLUB, BILL HEFFERNAN, LYNN HENRY, CHARLES AND KATHY HOLLEB, FRANCES HORWICH, SUSAN IFERGAN.

LYNN SAGE BOOSTERS INCLUDE: TOM KEHOE, KATHY AND MICHAEL LEVENTHAL, JULIE LATSKO, MAUREEN LAMPERT, PEGGY LEON, AVERILL LEVITON, ELAINE LEVINSON, PEGGY LIM, MEGAN LYONS, MICKI MC NAMARA, CINDY MC SHERRY, BUDDY MEYERS, SUSAN MEYER, GERI MERTINS, SHEILA MC DONNELL, MEREDITH MC CARTHY, THOMAS ORDOVER, BILL PRY, BARBARA PEARLMAN, CAROL PRINS, BARBARA PAGET, JULIE PAPPAS, ANNE PETERSON, CHRIS PORTWOOD, DESIREE ROGERS, LINDA ROBIN, DR. STEPHEN ROSEN, GINGER RUSS, ALICE SABL, BIFF RUTTENBERG, ED AND TRUDY SCHWARTZ, MARILYN AND TERRY SCHWARTZ, IDA SCULLY, JILL STEINBERG, SHERYL VAN CLEEF, JANE WEBER, ABRA WILKIN, RUTH WEISBACH, FRIEDA WEINBERG, MICHELE ZUCKER, JOHN VANDER, DONNA THOMPSON.

WE CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF ACTOR JOHN MALKOVICH. He’s quirky in the new movie “Red,” as a retired CIA operative, and he’s inspirational as the horse trainer in “Secretariat.”

TERI LEE RYAN talks about life as one big to-do list Nov. 9 at Maxim’s, and Mike’s son David Royko shares his dad’s love letters Nov. 17.

LILLY LEDBETTER, who fought successfully for equal pay, was interviewed by Gemma Allen at a Cultural Center event for the Human Relations Advisory Council on Women.

“BEFORE YOU MARRY KEEP BOTH EYES OPEN. After marriage, shut one.” —JAMAICAN PROVERB

CONTACT: annbgerber@gmail.com or 847-677-2232