Naughtiest gals not in Chicago

09/30/2009 10:00 PM

By ANN GERBER

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WHERE ARE THE KINKIEST, SEXIEST WOMEN? Not in our sedate Chicago.

A SURVEY of 10 cities, rating the salacious stats of the femmes, found the naughtiest were in Los Angeles, followed by the hot mamas of Miami. New York was third, ahead of Atlanta, Phoenix, Houston, Dallas, Philadelphia, Chicago and Detroit. Our windy city gals were ninth when it came to inventive, wild ways, like unusual places for sex.

ONE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY FOUR WOMEN were polled by the Impulse Research Corp. for AXE Vice, the makers of a popular body wash that promises to turn nice girls naughty. The frank answers included admitting having affairs with guys on a first date, going to bars minus panties, and using handcuffs and blindfolds. But not so much in Chicago.

SEX ACTS NAMED WERE in a nun’s car, at the Eiffel Tower, at Grandpa’s 80th birthday party, under a viaduct, in a snowstorm, etc. But not so much in Chicago.

WOMEN ARE BECOMING MORE secure and comfortable with their sexuality, say experts. And especially if they are divorced, they are more inclined to experiment a bit. But not so much in Chicago. We rated ninth. Proves there are many innocent, virginal women here, doesn’t it?

Gossip, gossip, gossip

WHO IS THE RICH, RICH WIDOW, 64, who loaned a former lover more than $2 million although he’s now married, with kids and they’ve been “just friends” for the past nine years? When he asked her to help him keep his business from going under she came through.

“That’s what friends do,” she told us.

GET YOUR PHOTO IN THE SOCIAL SWIM PAGES and you can make jealous and mean-spirited enemies. That’s why vicious rumors are swirling around a stunning brunette and her blond pal. Even if they are true, they are best left unsaid. Those who spread filth are tainted by their words.

IF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA FOUND A CURE FOR CANCER, Rush Windbag, Sean Insannity, and Glenn Dreck, er, Beck, would scream he stole it from brilliant Sarah Palin! President Carter told it like it is: Racism is at the bottom of hatred.

WATCH FOR THE MOVIE PRECIOUS to be the next big hit. Oprah Winfrey is a producer of this ugly, raw, inspiring story of incest, a fat girl’s pain and triumph based on the novel Push by Sapphire.

STOP WITH THE GOSSELINS! Nobody cares about these dysfunctional TV “stars.”

IVANKA TRUMP, who has completed her conversion to the Jewish faith for husband-to-be wealthy realtor/publisher Jared Kushner, will be married to him in an Orthodox ceremony Oct. 25. No, it won’t be a circus at Palm Beach’s Mar-a-Lago, where the Donald wed, and where mommy Ivana tied the knot. It will be for 500 guests at old automaker John DeLorean’s estate, now the Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, N.J. Ivanka is wearing a five-carat cushion-cut diamond engagement ring, which Jared purchased from her own collection. Ivanka’s New York City jewelry salon has the boss as one of its best customers!

MEDICAL MARIJUANA made the last months of actor/dancer Patrick Swayze more comfortable, eased his pain, allowed him to eat more and enjoy food and gain a few much needed pounds. Surely all cancer patients should be allowed marijuana if it can make their fight against the disease even one tiny bit easier. Patrick’s amazing battle with deadly pancreatic cancer has inspired fans to contribute to research, a positive result of a horrendous story. The love of wife, Lisa Niemi, was even more vital than chemotherapy and helped Swayze fight and cope.

LOCALLY, POLICE DISPATCHER Laura Llanes was fired when she admitted buying marijuana for her sick aunt to ease suffering from chemo due to breast cancer. Pot is legal for medical use in 13 states, but Illinois is not one of the enlightened ones. In Laura’s case, her intervention helped her aunt to eat more and feel better.

MAESTRO STANLEY PAUL received a standing ovation from the SRO crowd that savored his Cole Porter tribute, “Red Hot & Rich,” at the Casino for the Sarah Siddons Society. He presented 30 songs and scores of photos for a glam evening. Applauding were: co-chairs Donna Atwater and Mary Lou Bilder-Gold, Bev Blettner, Greta Flory, Susan Glick, Lori Lennon, Dorothy Fuller, Betty Jeffries, Carol Hays, Elizabeth Jachamowicz, Merle Reskin, Susan Gohl, Averill Leviton, Sean Eschagy, Mamie Walton, the Kurt Mullers, Kathy Abelson, Bev Persky, Cynthia Olson, Burns Cabot, James Kinney, Brian White, Jack Kromelow, Barbara Rinella and the Leo Wengers.

DAHLING, WE SAW A SEA of handsome hats at the Pathways Foundation luncheon in Grant Park, but the winner, the champ chapeaux adorned the pretty head of tall, terrific Natasha Isaacs. And the best mother-daughter feathered flamboyant funwear was the magnificent creations on stunning Jannie Pearlman and Jacqui Monieson. Steve Starr took these photographs as proof.

“THE GOOD WIFE” IS A HIT ON TV, and another wronged wife, Jenny Sanford, mate of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, is eager to tell her story to the public. You remember her sad tale: He said he was on a hiking trail, then admitted he had a soulmate mistress. Well, Jenny, originally from Winnetka, wants a book deal and will write about facing infidelity with strength and grace.

CONTESSA HELENA of Contessa Bottega, at 1 E. Delaware St., is back from a buying trip to New York City to bring back the best of the collections.

STOP THE “PIVEN MONOLOGUES,” cry the defenders of our Entourage star Jeremy Piven. A raw, Internet-inspired take on Piven’s fish tale, reports the New York Post, matured into a 40-minute reading of comments created by playwright Alena Smith staged at Joe’s Pub. The next reading is Oct. 2. When Piven dropped out of Mamet’s Broadway show, Speed the Plow, due to mercury poisoning he said was from daily sushi intake, he attracted supporters and skeptics. I’m with Piven. A friend of mine, who ate tuna salad every day for months, also got mercury poisoning and it took her months to recover. Playwright Smith had been seeking an Internet-connected-comments idea for a stage play, and Piven’s kettle of fish was a tasty answer.

PETA NUTS ARE BUSY IN NEW YORK CITY where a man was swinging a dead red fox in people’s faces at the Dennis Basso fashion show, and Dennis was showing gowns.

WHO IS THE BRILLIANT EXEC who is losing home and hearth because he can’t stop with the hookers? One is pregnant and one is suing him for workplace harassment after he hired her for his firm.

SORELY DISAPPOINTED and concerned about the future of her culinary arts program, which taught low-income teens cooking skills, is dedicated teacher Gloria “The Hat” Hafer. Her contract with the public schools was not renewed even though she had gleaned praise for her RJD Culinary Institute in the George Washington High School. Gloria founded the institute 12 years ago.

RUMORS IN PARIS allege the Olympic Games will go to Rio in 2016. We can only say “amen.”

THAT WAS TALL, HUNKY ACTOR VINCE VAUGHN lunching at RL.

WE SAY A SAD FAREWELL to charitable Jeanne Kleper, who died recently. Our condolences to her children, Wendy and Dennis, who have lost a great friend and mother. Jeanne volunteered for many local agencies and was a valued worker.

ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS was raised by 1,500 at the Dance for Life Julia Werman AIDS Foundation.

WHAT’S COOKING? Chefs Art Smith, Michael Kornick, Mindy Segal, Paul Kahan and Joe King rallied to aid Children’s Oncology Services at the Harold Washington Winter Garden benefit.

ELI’S CHEESECAKE WORLD, at Montrose and Forest Preserve Drive, will offer food and fun Oct. 3 and 4 in its annual free festival with Jesse White Tumblers, musical numbers, cheesecake eating contests and more.

IN YOUR FUTURE: THE CLASSY CONSERVATION BALL, headed by Jorie Butler Kent and daughter Reute Butler, is Oct. 9 at the Fairmont. This black tie is gilt-edged and you can bid on a trip to the Galapagos Islands. ... THE LINCOLN BALL is the Chicago History Museum’s highlight that introduces two blockbuster exhibits. The Oct. 9 gala is headed by UAL Corp. CEO Glenn Tilton. ... CABARET ON OCT. 11 honors Karen Mason, Bob Moreen, Suzanne Petri and Bradford Thacker at Park West.

HANDBAGS & HALOS, Bunky Cushing’s benefit for the Howard Brown Health Center, features luncheon guest David Easton, legendary interior designer, Oct. 13 at the Palmer House Hilton.

A CHIC NEW LOOK heralds the annual Rush University Medical Center fashion extravaganza at the Palmer House Hilton, with cocktails, a fabulous show, and an after-party Oct. 15.

OUR RECENT ITEM ABOUT GRANDPARENTS seeking new friends lacked the right phone number. It is 312-643-0011.

DOG LOVERS ARE THRILLED with Billy Rafferty’s new book, Happy Dog: Caring for Your Dog’s Body, Mind, Spirit, which debuted with a signing last week. That adorable puppy on the cover is hair stylist John Lanzendorf’s Rafa, now 1, sharing loving attention with Louis, 3. Both are rare Grande Basset Griffon Vendeens and the pride of John. “They are so friendly,” he admits. “They let other dogs roll over on them. “ People stop John all the time to ask about the handsome canines, never seen in this area.

“THEY SAY SUCH NICE THINGS about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.” — Garrison Keillor

annbgerber@gmail.com

Mail news and photos to 5036 Fairview Lane, Skokie, IL 60077 or call 847-677-2232.


1 Comment - Add Your Comment



By M. Wenger from West Rogers Park
Posted: 10/12/2009 10:54 AM

Good column. Too bad Chicago Journal, Skyline edition doesn't update your online column in a timely fashion