YEARNING FOR A TWINKIE, a bacon burger, chocolate frosting, cupcakes or French fries? And are you overweight? You may be addicted to high-calorie, high-fat junk foods.

AFTER A THREE-YEAR STUDY, scientists at the Scripps Research Institute in Florida say rats fed a diet of junk food grew addicted to their unhealthy foods and were hooked on them like a cocaine addiction. And the rats were so addicted that when researchers took away the bad stuff and replaced it with healthy food, the rodents chose to starve themselves.

JUNK FOOD CHANGED the rats’ brain chemistry in the same way that chronic cocaine use alters an addict’s brain function, reported scientists Paul Kenny and Paul Johnson.

THEIR CONCLUSIONS BOLSTER the increasingly popular theory that the bulging waistlines of millions of obese men and women can be blamed at least in part on the addictive attributes of unhealthy, fattening food.

SCIENTISTS KENNY AND JOHNSON served one group of rats healthy, nutritionally balanced food. Another group had unlimited access to Ding Dongs, frosting, bacon, sausage, cheesecake, pound cake, potato chips, etc. These rats put on weight and became less active. And when finally denied their high-fat treats, they starved rather than eat the healthier choices.

HEY! PUT DOWN THAT TRIPLE-BACON BURGER when you’re reading this! Or are you so addicted you can’t help yourself? It is easier to blame the rotten, fat-laden junk food than listen to your nagging conscience. Eating 1,200 calories, 50 grams of fat and 940 grams of sodium may be delicious going down but it puts on the pounds, with high cholesterol and clogged arteries an added bonus.

JUNK FOOD IS LIKE A FEEL-GOOD DRUG, not unlike cocaine, we are learning. Are you going to be a dumb, addicted rat or a smart, reformed rodent?

WHO IS THE NEUROTIC WIFE, wed to her fourth husband, who keeps a small handgun on her night table? She fears intruders, she insists, but friends are alarmed. She could shoot her mate, mistaking him for a robber, they say, and since the two have been fighting and may divorce the possibilities are frightening.

WANT TO SEE ACTOR PATRICK DEMPSEY’S old nose? Catch Sweet Home Alabama, a boring movie. Angelina Jolie’s original nose is broader and wider in the Tomb Raider films. Sarah Jessica Parker has had several nose revisions according to earlier pix of her in TV shows and films, and she still has an unattractive honker. Even Julianna Margulies of The Good Wife had her nose slimmed and reshaped before she starred in this popular TV series. The rule of thumb seems to that you need to beautify men and women actors so they don’t have bad camera angles. But Owen Wilson disproves my theory.

TO RENT OR NOT TO RENT, THAT IS THE QUESTION ... And it is hotly debated at the Hancock building. Two condo owners, Scott Kluth and Steve Brin, according to Crain’s, are suing the condo board over allowing only 145 units out of 705 to be rentals. They allege they cannot rent their units because the issue is not yet resolved and threatens the marketability of the building.

CANCER SURVIVOR MAGGIE DALEY got a standing ovation from the 700 at the Lynn Sage Breast Cancer luncheon at the Ritz. The speaker, actress Goldie Hahn was all giggles and happy talk, then revealed she had nine years of therapy and spoke about life, love and education.

ASHTON KUTCHER FILLED CHARLIE SHEEN’S shoes (and pants) surprisingly well to launch a new, sexy Two and a Half Men.

MY TV SET IS STILL BLUSHING, so ugly, profane and hilarious was the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen. He was burnt to a crisp but emerged a “winner.”

NOT TO BE MISSED is Love, Loss & What I Wore at the Water Tower Broadway Theater. Laughs, insights, a few tears — best show in town.

BEVERLY BLETTNER’S FAB NORELL COLLECTION will be sold and the Costume Council of the Chicago History Museum is hosting a Prosecco luncheon preview Oct. 3. Call 312-799-2113.

GIBSON’S HOSTS A $135 Duckhorn Vineyards Wine Dinner Sept. 27 with 5 courses from Chef Dan Huebschmann.

REALTORS HONOR THEIR OWN at the Oct. 5 Navy Pier banquet. Bob Floss is president of Chicago Association of Realtors and inductees to the Hall of Fame include G.J. Cosenza, Goldie Miller and Michael Golden.

FASHIONS BENEFIT the Chicago Lighthouse Sept. 24 and 25 at sales on level 5 of the 900 N. Michigan shops. Saks is offering a runway show.

SHINGLES HAD MICHAEL SNEED in a most painful situation but she’s OK now and back penning her Sun-Times column.

WE HAVE FOUND THE BEST COTTAGE FRIES in the world! They are made at the busy Next Door Bistro in Northbrook and you add your own salt to taste.

MARIANO’S FRESH MARKET debuted at Western and Roscoe, and another super store opens Oct. 4 at 333 N. Benton Place for the high rise area of Randolph Street east of Michigan Avenue. The store’s chairman is Robert Mariano. His wife, Nina, is an active philanthropic member of the Service Club, and a well-known fashionista.

ENVIRONMENTALIST ACTIVIST ACTRESS DARYL HANNAH puts herself on the front lines of meaningful protests and we applaud her endeavors. She doesn’t do it for the publicity — she’s been a savvy citizen since her high school days in Chicago. Hannah’s most recent battle has been in front of the White House fighting against a controversial oil pipeline from Canada to Texas. The “death and destruction that fossil fuels cause” had her up in arms as she battles for a clean environment.

WATCHING CHAZ BONO prepare for his stint on Dancing with the Stars looking like a two-ton truck makes us hope he’ll lose weight. And Nancy Grace, not as fat as Kirstie Alley, can use the exercise as well. One positive facet of their appearances is that it may help viewers to size up their own poundage and get active to reduce. People who complained about Chaz competing are cruel when they should be compassionate. Here is a person who has been fighting for years to find his true identity and to find peace. He desperately needs approval and support.

SHOPPERS LOVE CELEBS so there were hundreds of fans to see Kelly Osbourne at Macy’s during the Fashion’s Night Out hoopla. Kelly is the face of Madonna’s Material Girl clothing line and preferred by most over Paris Hilton and Kim Trashardian in the world of no-talent fame and fortune.

THERE WERE HUNDREDS OF HATS at the annual Parkways Foundation benefit luncheon in Grant Park, but nobody bothered to choose the smallest hat, the largest, the most romantic, the ugliest, the most original, the most flattering, the most colorful. Oh, well, when you have beauties like Tina Weller to ogle, who needs hats? Other standouts were Moira Tuffy in a magnificent $160 silver mega-pancake, Shannon Smith, Sheree Valukas, Sue Carey, Sherrill Bodine, Jannie Pearlman, Jacqui Monieson, Susan Gohl, Lynda Silverman, Elizabeth Brodsky, Karen Peters, Mira, Genine Shafer, Robin Berger, Tina Koegel, board chair Stacey Sather, Laurie Davis, and volunteer awardee Jo Ann Nathan. Co-chairs were Carol Prins and April Schink.

NO FOXES WILL BE INJURED or killed during the annual Dunham Woods Riding Club fox hunt Oct. 2 in Wayne, Ill. Cookie Cohen, who opens her home for the stirrup cup before the hunt breakfast, has finally given up riding but will keep her horses at her Longview Acres compound.

“SKINNY ITALIAN” AND “FABULICIOUS” are the two books by Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Teresa Guidice that she autographed during her appearance at the Water Tower Place fashion’s night out festivities. TV fans flocked to her side.

FOUR SMART COOKIES were honored by the Girl Scouts at a Palmer House breakfast for their entrepreneurial work inspiring young girls. They are Doris Christopher with The Pampered Chef, James Reynolds Jr. with Loop Capital Markets, Marsha Serlin with United Scrap Metal and Amy Hilliard with ComfortCake Co.

MUTT STRUT, to benefit Chicago Canine Rescue, is Oct. 8 with contests, lunch and a walk. Registration is at 11 a.m. on Newport between Southport and Lakewood. Call 312-371-7827.

TOMMY BAHAMA opens a new flagship store at 664 N. Michigan Ave. early next year.

AUTHOR SANELA RAMIC JURICH signed her book, Remember Me, Sept. 24 at the Common Cup. Her novel details a love affair blossoming beneath the rubble of the Bosnian war.

GIBSONS BAR & STEAKHOUSE now offers catering for breakfast, lunch and dinner, in your home, office, palace, etc.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S JEWELS you must go to exhibits in New York or Moscow before they are auctioned Dec. 13 at the Big Apple Christie’s. Liz’s magnificent $30 million collection reminds us that you can’t take it with you — or she would have.

SCOTT CHAMBERS AND MARILYN KATZ open their home Sept. 27 for a reception for 10th congressional candidate Ilya Sheyman. Call 224-216-2653.

AMERICAN NIGHTMARE is T. K. Murphy’s poignant account of “Bob’s” unemployment at 52 and the resulting mental anguish and toll it takes on his life.

ENTOURAGE VETERAN JEREMY PIVEN has just purchased a $6 million duplex penthouse in the same New York building where Jon Stewart lives. According to the New York Post, the TriBeCa location has three baths and 1,800 square feet of outdoor space. It was once owned by Mets slugger Mike Piazza. Jeremy’s mother, Joyce, operates the respected Piven Theater school in Evanston.

WHAT’S 91 YEARS OLD, vital, not stuffy, and enjoyed an elegant black tie gala at the Four Seasons? The Children’s Home & Aid, which welcomed supporters and rewarded John McDonough, president of the Blackhawks, with the Pauline Palmer trophy for unwavering commitment to children in need. Co-chairs were Jennifer Hay and Lisa Tank. The board chair is Elizabeth Connelly and the woman’s board president is Suzy Ahlquist. Among supporters are Ben Heineman, Sue Darby, George and Joan Kufrin, the Gary Ahlquists, Mrs. George Galloway, the William Perezes, the George Berminghams, the Cyrus Freidheims, the Jack Wings, the David Seidmans, the Alan McNallys and the Paul Woods. More than 40,000 children have had the benefit of help from this organization.

A SEARCH FOR HIDDEN RICHES AND LASTING LOVE is the story line for a new novel, Another Man’s Treasure written by James O’Connor of Lake Forest. He had a book signing Sept. 24 at The Book Stall in Winnetka. (Jim and wife Lynda are well known publicists.) His hero, Ted, has a demanding client who makes him purge a cluttered Victorian mansion to unearth something of great value. What are his discoveries? Buy the book and find out!

“HOW DID I MEET MICK JAGGER? I always find that an offensive question. When you are intelligent and pretty, you can meet anyone you want to.” —BIANCA JAGGER

CONTACT: annbgerber@gmail.com or 847-677-2232