CHEATERS ARE GOING OUT OF STYLE because they are all losers — financially, morally and reputation-wise — but no, we don’t honestly expect an end to juicy stories about skirt-chasers.

WRONGED WIVES ARE THE BRUISED LOSERS — even if they take major hits on his bank accounts. Of course, they are losers in the love department, at least temporarily. Tiger Woods’ ex-wife, the lovely blond Elin Nordegren, comes to mind. She got mega-millions and has a new, super rich boyfriend. After months of painful betrayal comes a new life, and new love.

AUTHOR JACKIE COLLINS, whose 28 novels offer tales of “good men, bad men, gay men, straight men” calls movie hero and ex-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger the most despicable. “Cheating is one thing,” says Collins, “but doing it in the home you share with your wife and children, with your housekeeper … who gives birth to your son within days of your wife giving birth to your son … that’s downright despicable.”

HOW SHOULD WRONGED WIVES REACT? Collins insists more and more women are not going to take it, like Hillary Clinton and Rep. Anthony Weiner’s wife.

Being the good wife and standing by your cheating mate is too much of a cliché, says Jackie in a Bazaar article. Terminate the jerk.

FROM PRESIDENTS to movie stars to politicians to men on the street, “don’t they understand that staying faithful is smart and sexy?” asserts Collins. Obviously David Letterman, John Edwards and Jesse James thought they had enough power and fame to enjoy call girls, office personnel and groupies. They destroyed their images as good husbands and well-adjusted, trustworthy men.

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE CHEATING HUSBANDS — men with the need to reinforce their sexual attraction, their libidos and their hunger to be “players” in the sexual games around us all. Charlie Sheen comes to mind. Poor Charlie. He is a truly big loser — millions in TV salary and an ego-slashing rejection from many fans. Was it worth it, Charlie? In a year he may be back on TV, but never like the King of Comedy he was.

IT IS THE WIFE AND CHILDREN WHO SUFFER THE MOST. Maria Shriver comes to mind. She will rebuild her life and find love again, we are certain. The kids will be scarred for life. Send in the psychiatrists, and in their future — the divorce lawyers.

WHEN THE RICH AND FAMOUS CRASH, money eases the plight of all concerned but everyone still loses. For average man and woman, there are no safety nets — just anger, hostility, pain and rejection. Everyone is a loser, president or peasant.

Gossip, gossip, gossip

WHO IS THE DRUNKEN DIVORCEE who scandalizes her doormen by coming down from her condo to get her mail in bra and pantyhose, or in a sheer negligee? She’s been warned by the board to dress properly but to no avail.

WHO IS THE MEAN, DOG-HATING NEIGHBOR accused of leaving poisoned meat in the rear hallway of his condo in hopes of getting rid of a pet he insists barks and is a threat to him? If the dog owner finds him, he’s in big trouble. Fortunately, another neighbor saw the raw beef and trashed it.

LARRY KING COMES TO TOWN Aug. 19 for a reception hosted by pal Sugar Rautbord in her Gold Coast home. Earlier in the day he’ll throw out the first ball for the Cubs game at Wrigley Field. He’s here to hype his new book, Truth Be Told.

WE DECREED NO SEX for Congress until the debt ceiling problems were solved. Would it have speeded up action? Perhaps, but in the Colombian town of Barbacoas it worked to get a much-needed road paved. The 250 women declared a “crossed legs strike” — no more sex until work was done and the men caved in.

“THE POPE’S TWEETS” by Paul Rudnick was a hoot in the July 25 New Yorker magazine. Pope Benedict XVI uses Twitter, and Paul penned tweets he thought were pope-worthy. My favorite is this one: “Every day I offer up a special prayer for the entire Kardashian family, but the next morning they’re always still alive.”

THEY LIED. HANDBAGS AND SHOES were to be the only stars of the runway for the American Cancer Society’s fashion evening at the Palmer House Hilton. But legs stole the show! The svelte models, all in short black minis, had the most exquisite, perfect limbs in the entire world! None wore stockings, the better to show off their footwear and purses by Louboutin, Gucci, Prada, etc., from Saks. Kathy Brock was emcee and Bonita Friedland was event chair. Best dressed in the chic audience were Toni Canada and Nina Mariano.

THE GREEN MILL got a rave notice in Playboy Magazine’s After Midnight choices. They crowed, “the party feels as though it’s never going to end” at this late night drinking establishment. Owned by Dave Jemilo, it’s the oldest jazz club in the city and it’s open until 4:30 a.m. Al Capone hung out here in the 1920s and Frank Sinatra made the scene — you can still smell his cologne.

ACTOR MARTIN SHEEN gets a lifetime achievement award from the 47th Chicago International Film Festival Aug. 19 before a showing of the film The Way at the AMC River East 21 screen. A gala reception follows at the Sheraton. Rich Varnes of RL fame is chair of the committee. Son Charlie is not expected to attend, but Emilio Estevez will be there.

BETHENNY FRANKEL hit stardom as a member of the cast of Bravo’s Real Housewives of New York, wrote two best sellers and launched the Skinnygirl Liquor brand. She recently sold it to Jim Beam for a reported $120 million. Insiders tell us she formerly lived in the Lincoln Park area and was often lonely.

ALL HAIL SENSIBLE Cook County Board President Toni Preckwinkle and new Police Supt. Garry McCarthy for realizing that arresting people with small amounts of marijuana (whose cases will be dismissed later) clogs our justice system and is a waste of time for everyone. Our jails are filled with first time minor drug offenders.

WHO WERE THE EIGHT GORGEOUS GALS who made Kathy O’Malley’s birthday party so special? When the popular Gibson’s hostess celebrated at Moe’s Cantina, she was cheered by Jennifer Sexton, Danielle Chase, Elizabet Hristova, Carol Gipson, Voula Tsakalis, Katherine Mosey, Shaunna Patterson, Jacquelene Hutting.

SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Martin Sheen, Martha Stewart, J.K. Rowling, Neil Armstrong and Wesley Snipes.

BON APPETIT EDITOR BARBARA FAIRCHILD was interviewed by food writer extraordinaire Scott Warner at Kendall College, recently, with luncheon afterwards at Quartino. Chef/partner John Coletta dished out samplings like roasted bone marrow and polenta fries for the foodie bunch from the Culinary Historians. Among those attending were Chef Kevin Hickey, Patty Erd, David Strauss, Dhera Strauss, Carlyn Berghoff, Chef Jacquy Pfeiffer and Rachel Pfeiffer.

COULD FACEBOOK HAVE SAVED ROMEO AND JULIET? Author David Gray recently published his first book, historic fiction as a sequel to Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Titled Escape from Verona, Gray wants to change the course of history to show teens in love are serious, not just infatuated. Facebook communication could have let them know feelings and happenings in time to stop dueling, and to prevent misunderstandings. Social media is providing a positive structure for communication, declares Gray — though he’s not fond of Twitter. Perhaps the bard’s text would have been rewritten “Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say goodnight till you text me on your way home.” Yuck!

THE TRIBUTE TO RAOUL WALLENBERG by members of the American Jewish Artists Club at the Swedish American Museum has been praised by viewers.

WHAT IS A CALORIE? Peter Rogers reveals “It is the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter. My closet is infested with the little villains.”

DANCE FOR LIFE BENEFIT is Aug. 20 at the Auditorium, raising awareness and funds for HIV/AIDS care. It’ll feature Joffrey, Hubbard, Giordano, Ron De Jesus, and River North dance companies putting their best foot forward.

CHEFS IN THE CITY gala at the Ritz, with 30 top professionals dishing up their treats added big bucks for Vital Bridges. Among the attractive supporters were Don Filarski, Chef Jo Marie Frigo, Robyn Tornabeni, George Long, Amanda Puck, Candace Jordan, Rich Varnes, Maria Pinto, Ryan Pitts, Elizabeth Brodsky, co-founder Joyce Dawson (who received an award), Bill Lasche and Mary Kingsburg.

“IT TAKES A LONG TIME TO BECOME YOUNG.” These wise words were said by the great artist Pablo Picasso, and Elizabeth Brodsky, celebrating her birthday at a swank bash in the University Club, has the secret. She looked young and gorgeous in a pink print strapless as her two daughters, lawyer husband Joel Brodsky (Drew Peterson’s legal brain) and scores of friends marked the event under the stars on the club’s balcony. Mamie Walton, Stanley Paul, Maggie Dempsey, Fran and Terry Johnson, Richard Doehmer, Scott Bobek, Kimberly Gleeson, Cheryl and Barry Bollinger, Judge Michelle Lowrance, Julie Darling and Kat Dec were among members of Elizabeth’s fan club.

RESEARCH ON ATRIAL FIBRILLATION, suffered by 3 million people, is the goal of the Zoe Foundation concert benefit Aug. 19 at the Park West. Stroke and heart failure can result from AF. The foundation is in partnership with Northwestern U. Feinberg School of Medicine, with doctors Rod Passman and Rishi Arora as medical advisors. Julie Schmittdiel is founder and president.

“THERE ARE TWO LITTLE CHINESE ADOPTIVE GIRLS, Elise is 8 and Pauline is 5, that are the subject of Scott Simon’s book, Baby, We Were Meant For Each Other.” We stand corrected from the proud granny, lovely Patricia Newman Gelbin, after we wrote recently that Scott and his wife had one beautiful child from China. The girls now speak French fluently because their mom’s family is from Normandy. It took two separate trips to China and much waiting to accomplish the adoptions.

BEWARE THE HAZARDS OF WORK SITE ELECTROCUTION when walking your dog, reminds Blair Sorrel of StreetZaps. Contact voltage is a chronic hidden danger that can victimize a pet and the dog walker as well. Common outdoor electrical and metal fixtures may shock or kill your dog. See a work site? Cross the street and avoid a potential problem. Rarely are live wires or fixtures plainly marked “hazard.”

STUNNING COUPLE at the recent International Women Associates gala at the Ritz were Spanish Ambassador Javier Ruperez and his wife, honorary chairs of the annual event. IWA chairs were Lourdes McKillop and Rowena Boysen.

“THE ONLY THING THAT SCARES ME MORE THAN SPACE ALIENS IS THE IDEA THAT THERE AREN’T ANY SPACE ALIENS. WE CAN’T BE THE BEST CREATION HAS TO OFFER.” —ELLEN DEGENERES