Who gets the dog and the couch?

“DATING PRE-NUPS,” with no talk of marriage, are one way couples living together are avoiding potential problems if and when they break up.

WHO GETS THE DOG, the couch, the TV, and who gets the friends?

AN AGREEMENT, written and discussed early in a live-in setting, is saving some heartache when love goes sour.

SURE HARD FEELINGS, even hate, can surface, but a penned dating pre-nuptial agreement sets boundaries that are difficult to talk about in the heat of one partner calling it quits.

CAN I STILL BE FRIENDLY WITH YOUR MOM? Which of our friends will be loyal to me and can they still be pals with you?

PROTECTING PROPERTY AND PETS is sensible and it is why this dating pre-nup was been born.

THE TREND WHERE UNMARRIED COUPLES LIVE TOGETHER is popular and growing. These cohabitation agreements are particularly common in New York City where common-law marriages are not recognized and unmarried couples are considered legal strangers, unless they have signed agreements. Informal signed documents or even mutually signed emails can be binding contracts.

THIS APPLIES TO ILLINOIS AS WELL, but lawyers tell me it would be wise to have such dating pre-nups notarized to avoid later conflicts.

AH, LOVE IS GRAND until he dumps you, or you tire of him and throw him out. Or can you? Who gets the flat, and the dog and the couch?

BETTER GET IT IN WRITING.

WHO ARE THE TOXIC MOTHER AND DAUGHTER who have been writing bad checks to charities for years and who finally got their comeuppance? One “sick and tired of them” charity banned the mother from a benefit and then was amazed to see her come in as a “guest from England” using an assumed name. They had security usher her out of the building. What’s next? A disguise or plastic surgery?

WHO IS THE SILVER-HAIRED “FINANCIAL RAPIST”, as one angry ex-date called him, who cheated her out of $325 for theater tickets to Billy Elliot? He asked her to buy them for their date and he would pay her back. But he was short of cash ... still short of cash ... still short of cash. “Don’t let him con anyone else,” she told me. “Warn other women he’s a phony.”

THE NEW TV SERIES SCOUNDRELS. ABC’S GIFT WITH OUR LOCAL TALENT Virginia Madsen, has promise but she’s the best part of this thieving family. She’s a fine actress, but as a worried,

put-upon crime mama, Virginia is almost too virtuous. Her kids, two pretty daughters, one smart and one wily, are a hoot and her sons, both played as twins by Patrick John Flueger, are fresh fodder. It is a Sunday night Madsen triumph. (Watch your wallet.)

“CHICAGO’S ACTOR FOR ALL SEASONS” AWARD goes to singer/actress Patti LuPone at the Aug. 9 Sarah Siddons Society gala at the Ritz. This 57th anniversary milestone will also honor Mary Beth Fisher with the “Chicago’s Leading Lady” title for her work in The Year of Magical Thinking. Co-chairmen are Donna Atwater and Mary Lou Bilder-Gold, with Lori Lennon, Susan Downing and Susan Glick as auction chairs. Tickets are $350 for this black-tie. Call 312-664-3542 for more information.

WE WATCHED THE HBO documentary Smash His Camera about the first of the paparazzi — Ron Galella – who would throw himself off a building to get his exclusive celebrity photo. It’s a great story of one man’s determination and Jackie Kennedy’s unsuccessful attempts to limit his pursuit of her and her children. Love him or hate him, Ron is a great cameraman. His photos are mesmerizing moments caught forever on film, and we respect his dogged refusal to give up. Today he’s a limping, older citizen with a lot of memories who deplores current cameramen tactics. But he started the frenzy. His photos of Jackie, Brando, and Burton are the best.

WAS IT BOLLYWOOD OR DEVON AVENUE ON STEROIDS? The Ascot Ball for the English-Speaking Union at the Casino had an Indian theme and it was an exciting, colorful scene with an A-list of guests and some gorgeous femmes in saris. And one brave man, Ed Schimmelfennig, wore a kilt, and he told us what he had on underneath! ... Chairs were Janet Owen and Peggy Snorf, wearing stunning gowns. Other standouts were: Lynn McMahan, Lynn Graham, Mary Oppenheim, Mamie Walton, Susan Gohl, Bev Persky, Brian White, Jim Kinney, Sean Eshaghy, Rod Youngson, Lyssa Piette, Leslie Zentner, Heather Johnston, Suzie Kealy, Clarice Dykema, Melanie Kolbeck, John Poast, Jackie and John Thompson, Tom Gorman, Laurel Gray, Lindsay Pond White, Courtney Pitt, Alexandra and Tom Cooney, Ed Lester, Kurt and Sylvia Muller, Averill and Buddy Leviton, Paul Malarik III, Doe Thornburg, and beautiful Lisa and Duane Gengler.

EATING INDIAN CUISINE and dancing to Stanley Paul’s orchestra at the Ascot were: Alden and Kristen Senior, Mark and Linda Heister, Joe and Mary Clare Starshak, Jim Staples, Lori Lennon in the best gown of the evening, Laura and Larry Ekstrom, Karen Stohl, Kirkwood and Jane Brodie, Anna Marino, John and Cynthia Pacholick, Leslie Logsdon and Duncan Bourne, the Jim Kiefers, Deirdre Bormes, Oscar Tatosian, Paul Kuhn, Barbara and Tom Leiter, and Bev and Peter Keseric.

SEAN ESHAGHY WAS WEARING a red jacket, perfect for the party, that had belonged to the late Julius Walton. His widow, Mamie, had given handsome Sean the custom-made, vintage treasure that carried a label proclaiming it was created for “carpet tycoon Walton.” ... HONORARY CO-CHAIRS were Ambassador Ashok Kumar and Madame Attri of India.

WHEN CHEERS VETERAN George Wendt showed up at Puma to autograph his book, Drinking with George: A Barstool Professional’s Guide to Beer, he met Miss Black Illinois Danielle Riley and her mother Sharon. George was here as part of the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. COLLETTI GALLERY, a mainstay on Oak Street for 18 years, is moving across the street to 102 E. Oak St. in larger quarters, to better exhibit the antiques, posters, etc., the store is famous for stocking.

CELEBRATING THE RELEASE OF TOY STORY 3, our actress Joan Cusack, who voices yodeling cowgirl Jesse, made an appearance at the Disney Store where a limited edition doll of Jesse debuted.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA? Chicago Mag rated 25 top pizzas but they obviously never salivated over the sexy, seductive pizzas at Balsan in the Elysian Hotel, 11 E. Walton. It is the thinnest, most delicious pie in the world. Try it and let me know that you agree: annbgerber@gmail.com.

CAN ONE OF CHICAGO’S LEGENDARY BACHELORS be thinking of settling down? For the first time in 20 years he’s dating a young widow and actually bought her flowers. And he calls ahead to make dates? Will wonders never cease?

ACTOR ROBERT DOWNEY JR., WHOSE WIFE SUSAN was a local beauty, “could unite the world ... could be a force for peace and goodness, he’s so humble and is such a sweet soul,” so raved Joyce Schroeder from Walnut Creek, Calif., a member of the Robert Downey Jr. fan club. She travels to see him, with other members from Texas, Arizona and Tennessee, and calls him “brilliant, but down to earth.” With her sister-fans, Joyce had flown to L.A. for his appearance on the Jay Leno show, and she was here for the Gene Siskel Film Center gala at the Ritz on June 19 when 250 applauded as the versatile actor received a Renaissance Award.

AFTER THE RITZ BANQUET, film clips were shown revealing how multidimensional are his array of talents. Downey was amazing in Iron Man, Chaplin, Sherlock Holmes and Less than Zero. Director Todd Phillips of The Hangover and Downey engaged in a spirited discussion of their films after guests were welcomed by Ellen Sandor and Bill Marcus.

IN THE AUDIENCE CHEERING DOWNEY WERE: MICHELLE CUCCHIARO; EDA DAVIDMAN; Melissa Fadim; Marlene Iglitzen; Lynn McMahan; Jannie and Elliot Pearlman; Ira and Nadine Epstein; Sherrill Bodine; the Ron Baades; the Robert DePintos; Lisa Duncan; Valentine Ecker; Barry Ehlers; the Harry Feigers; Marco Foster; Jeff Gannon; Fritz Guth; Mary Hanley; Beth Hart; Vicki Heller; Julie Hess; David Hundley; Kevin Jones; Marc and James Klutznick; Judy Klutznick; the Ronald Kruecks; Bill Kurtis; Donna La Pietra; Taylor Leahy; the Buddy Levitons; Liz Logan; Michelle Lee; Tim and Ellen Kollar; Bill and Carolyn Leece; Richard, Steve and Erin Levin; Taylor and Erin Leviton; Jason Loop; gorgeous Christine McGrath; Roberta and George Mann; and Debra, Regina and Giovanna Marchese.

THERE WAS FEVERISH BIDDING for an Iron Man helmet as well as other auction items at the Siskel tribute. Other attendees included movie lovers: Michelle Parrillo, Dr. and Mrs. Michael Peck, Scott Peele, Lindsay Phillips, Bill Persky, the Ben Newbys, Bill Parke, Jay and Megan Owen, Catherine Murray, glam Maya Polsky, Sally Schwartz, Sophia, Kate, Will, Jon, William, Judy and Callie Siskel; Betsy Steinberg; Lauren Streicher; Jim Sullivan; Lisa Vogel; John White; and Brian Jennifer Wright.

BRIDES ARE DROOLING over the ethereal wedding gown designed by Quinton de’ Alexander and now on display at the Drake Hotel. It is adorned with Swarovski crystals and a ruffle-lined bodice. It is made of white bridal satin and hand-embroidered beaded lace. Quinton, who never does anything half way, jeweled matching bridal shoes, and the hair is created by Dudley Beauty College Chicago. Ah, weddings. Ah, Quinton’s magical vision.

MARTIN GAPSHIS, ESTELLE WALGREEN, TIM RAND, DORI WILSON AND TARYN EDWARDS hosted a breakfast at RL for Gov. Pat Quinn.

“CALIFORNIA IS A FINE PLACE TO LIVE — if you happen to be an orange.”

— Fred Allen