BAD NEWS FOR COUGARS — OLDER WOMEN who find love with men much younger: They die sooner!

THE YOUNGER HER MATE IS, the harder it is on a woman’s health. Worn out? Perhaps.

BUT FOR OLDER MEN who are with younger women it is the opposite. The men live longer!

RESEARCHERS ANALYZED THE MARRIAGES OF 2 MILLION Dutch men and women and found that a woman who mates with a man seven to nine years younger than her is 20 percent more likely to die earlier than someone married to a man her own age. And if the man is more than 15 years younger, the chances of dying earlier rise to 30 percent.

DOES DEMI MOORE KNOW ABOUT THIS STUDY?

“THE GREATER THE AGE DIFFERENCE, THE LOWER the wife’s life expectancy,” said researcher Sven Drefahl of the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Germany.

“TO LIVE LONG, A WOMAN SHOULD MARRY A MAN the same age.”

MEN WED TO FEMMES SEVEN TO NINE YEARS YOUNGER THAN THEY ARE, are 7 percent less likely to die at any given time. Taint fair.

BUT WHO SAID “LIFE IS FAIR”?

WHO IS THE HANDSOME, PLANE-FLYING, CABINET-MAKING executive who celebrated his daughter’s seventh birthday with his wife, their child, his two ex-wives and his mistress? And they all got along because they love the guy, and he loves them.

MALE MOVIE CRITICS STINK! THEY MOCKED SEX AND THE CITY 2 and it is sexsational! Mere males don’t know about boobs, bon mots, bonding, and they failed to see the insanely wicked fun in this flick. From the zany, opulent gay wedding opening, to Samantha’s fiery finale orgasm, this movie delivers a magic carpet ride for all willing to go.

Yes, there’s Velveeta with the brie but cheesy is nourishing. Only prudes won’t like this romp with our gal pals, with shoes, and guys, to die for.

THE NIECE OF PRINCESS LUCIANA PIGNATELLI, Benedetta Pignatelli, an Italian Vogue editor, will be in town June 8 doing a pictorial of our fair city. Author-socialite Sugar Rautbord is planning a reception for her.

AN 11-YEAR-OLD WONDERKID, Chase Malackowski, will lead the Children’s Memorial Hospital Race for the Kids 5K Run/Walk on June 19 along the lakefront to raise funds for the 115,00 families served by Children’s each year. Chase was diagnosed with cancer in 2007 but is now in remission. A Star Wars fan, Make-A-Wish arranged for the brave boy to meet George Lucas. Chase, who lives in Lincoln Park with his parents, has started his own charity, Wheels for Wishes, seeking vintage Hot Wheels to sell.

MARIA BARTIROMO, AUTHOR OF The 10 Laws of Enduring Success, led a panel of women leaders, which included Alberto Culver’s Carol Bernick, at a breakfast at the Executives Club. For her book, Maria interviewed 86 of the world’s most successful people including Bill Gates, Jack Welch, Irene Rosenfeld at Kraft, Oprah Winfrey, and Jim McNerney of Boeing. About Oprah, Maria wrote she was a success because she was “just herself and showed what was in her heart.” Rosenfeld stressed “imagine what you want and go for it. Ask for what you want.” McNerney is down to earth and full of humor, Maria learned.

FROM HER FRONT-ROW SEAT at the New York Stock Exchange, Maria re-evaluated what success meant. What happens when your BlackBerry stops buzzing and the world moves on without you?

How can you remain successful when the worst things happen to you?

THE WILD AND WACKY MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART June First Friday Blowout Spectacular is June 4 from 6 p.m. to midnight with carnival games, fun, exhibitions, food and music.

WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GROW UP and stop rumors about whether someone is gay or not? Who cares? Detractors seeking any angle are buzzing about whether Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan is a lesbian. She is a supremely qualified choice and that’s all that matters.

OUR SYMPATHY ON THE DEATH OF HIS BELOVED MOTHER, Gwen, 84, a dedicated nurse, goes to John Mahady, popular waiter at Mon Ami Gabi. He’s a talented singer/baker/comic.

LONG LIVE SUPERDAWG! Congrats to Maurie and Flaurie Berman on the success of their second Superdawg hot dog heaven in Wheeling. Their Devon and Milwaukee drive-in is 62 years old and thriving.

RON HOWARD’S 50-YEAR SPAN as an outstanding filmmaker will be celebrated June 12 at the Museum of Science and Industry when the grateful Chicago International Film Festival gives Ron a Career Achievement Award. Host Bill Kurtis will introduce movie highlights. Co-chairs are Donna La Pietra and Rich Varnes assisted by Clint Atkins, Phil Lazar, Sarah Beardsley, John Carroll, Martin Gapshis, Judi Gorman, Chuck Johnsen, Jerry and Whitney Lasky, Michael Kutza, Ross Miller, Jane Murphy, Judy Niedermaier, Byron Pollock, Pat Sheahan, Paula Wagner, Dori Wilson and Sophia Worden.

WHO HASN’T BEEN THRILLED TO SEE RON HOWARD’S FILMS Apollo 13, The Da Vinci Code, Frost/Nixon, Backdraft, Cocoon, A Beautiful Mind? He’s earned a reputation as one of the world’s most-admired directors.

ARTURO WILL LOVE IT! A visitation is set for June 15 at 6:30 p.m. at Holy Name before a mass for maitre d’ Arturo Petterino at 7:30, planned by his nephew Rinaldo. Famous for his impeccable service at the Pump Room, Chez Paree and the Winter Garden, natty Arturo was the inspiration for

Lettuce Entertain You’s Petterino’s restaurant on Dearborn and Randolph. Longtime pal Jerry Berliant was planning a 90th birthday party for Arturo who died at 89. Donations may be made to the Frank Sinatra Foundation.

WHO WILL END UP OWNING OPRAH WINFREY’S 164-acre farm she sold in 2004 to real estate developer Fred Latsko? Since Fred and former model wife Julie have split, Latsko may finally be willing to let the property go. He told friends that he’s had four or five people interested in the northwest Indiana sprawling home, barn, swimming pool, guest quarters, etc. Julie is a partner with Oprah’s former chef, Art Smith, in Table Fifty-Two, an inviting, “down home cooking haven” that attracts the rich and famous and the plain old hungry neighbors addicted to Smith’s mouth-watering fare. On the real estate scene, there is speculation that Latsko, reported by Crain’s to own 87 Chicago properties, may be ready to sell the Dewes Mansion in Lincoln Park where the couple lived.

FREDDIE LATSKO WAS THE PROTEGE and driver for Hall of Fame Bear quarterback Sid Luckman and has a reputation as a savvy, hardworking developer who created his own empire. If anyone can ride out the real estate tsunami, it can be Latsko.

CONGRATULATIONS TO DR. MARC KARLAN, cosmetic/reconstructive surgeon to the stars, and wife Lynn on 27 years together.

ROE CONN’S PRETTY DAUGHTER VICTORIA has graduated with honors as an art major from Denison University where her daddy had an impressive record. Thrilled for Victoria is proud granny Doloris Thompson.

HUNDREDS OF FRIENDS ATTENDED the funeral of Dr. Edward Newman, well-known and well-respected medic to many of our town’s 400. He is mourned by wife Lori, three children, and eight grandkids. He was 97 and had been ill for the past few years.

A ROYAL CONNECTION, RED HAIR, AND CURVES haven’t landed Fergie, Duchess of York, the rich husband she so sorely needs. The lady (who sometimes isn’t a lady) has financial woes and was caught on camera by a newspaper allegedly seeking big bucks ($763,000) for an introduction to ex-hubby, still friendly Prince Andrew. With two daughters from that union, you would think her “royal family” would loan or give the feisty divorcee some cash to tide her over. What’s a million or two for ex-mom-in-law Queen Elizabeth to donate so Fergie stays out of trouble? Who needs bad publicity? Sarah Ferguson was caught on camera years ago with an American sucking her toes. She has had other relationships, even with Weight Watchers, that didn’t last. Fergie was a lamb when here to help raise funds for charities and she seems to be a level-headed, smart-talking, in-your-face babe. And that’s not a bad thing. You would think she’d have an easy time landing a mate eager to be a player in international social circles. Well, obviously, her act lacks finesse and substance.

CHICAGO WRITERS HOLLY WORTELL AND ELLIE BARANCIK have been nominated with Bonnie Hunt, Don Lake and Steve O’Donnell for their labors on the popular Bonnie Hunt Show (that was axed). They are competing in the Outstanding Special Class Writing for the 37th Daytime Entertainment Emmy Awards that will be announced June 25 at a gala in L.A. The winners will be shown on TV June 27 on CBS. Holly is my niece and of course I think she’s a comedy genius but her show is up against the Obama Inaugural Celebration, and the Ellen DeGeneres program.

BACK IN HER HOMETOWN for the filming of a new Fox TV series, Ride Along, is the good news about beautiful local-girl-made-good Jennifer Beals. She’ll play a lawman, er, lawwoman in this police drama. Flashdance and The L Word are her most rewarding roles.

PROMOTING ABSTINENCE EDUCATION is a laugh as another holier-than-thou GOP hypocrite bites the dust. This time it is Indiana Rep. Mark Souder who resigned, sobbing about his extramarital affair with a staffer. He was a staunch “no sex” advocate, in public. Ha!

A TV NIGHT TO REMEMBER AND NOT TO BE MISSED: that’s the June 11 Museum of Broadcast Communications tri-generational reunion and fan celebration. Wow! At the Hilton will be veterans Bill Kurtis, Walter Jacobson, Lee Phillip Bell, Jim Conway, Jorie Lueloff, Jack Taylor, Jim Tilman, Harry Volkman, Frank Mathie, Bob Sirott, Merri Dee, Joan Esposito, Roy Leonard, Roger Ebert, Linda Yu, Robert Jordan, Warner Saunders, Scott Craig and Ron Weiner. Executives Howard Shapiro, Bill McCarter and Sheldon Cooper will be there with current on-air personalities Tom Skilling, Cheryl Burton, Alan Krashesky, Anna Davlantes and Dean Richards.

TIM SMITHE is dinner chair of this Salute to Chicago Television, which will benefit the final phase of construction for the Museum of Broadcast Communications at State and Kinzie. It is the dream of museum founder and president Bruce DuMont. Lead sponsor of the memorable evening is the Nielsen Co.

WHERE DO CHER, JAY LENO AND CHICAGO FASHIONISTAS get custom-made to-die-for boots? Andre No. 1 on Sunset Boulevard. in L.A. is where manager Gary Kazanchyan has overseen Western boots proclaiming “Chicago,” “Best Husband” and other personalized slogans and color pictures. Each pair is a work of art. If you dream it, Andre’s crew can handcraft it and have been doing it for the past five decades.

FROM DUSABLE TO OBAMA: CHICAGO’s BLACK METROPOLIS, a documentary, will be on WTTW channel 11 June 7. Chaka Khan performed at a preview benefit.

NEW SECRETARY of the Advocates Society of lawyers is L. Steven Rakowski, 45, who is of Polish descent and practices family and collaborative law.

IN YOUR FUTURE: The Gastro-Intestinal Research Foundation annual ball is June 5 at the Museum of Science and Industry. Legendary Dr. Joe Kirsner, 100, is a guest of honor. ... MAYOR RICHARD DALEY AND SEN. TOM HARKIN WILL RECEIVE Access Living awards at the Navy Pier gala June 7 celebrating Access Living’s 30th anniversary. ... ROCKING THE HOUSE OF BLUES June 10 is the Poli’palooza Personal PAC party for a mere $50. ... A GLENKIRK benefit, Our Great Expectations, is June 12 at the Deer Path Inn in Lake Forest. Call 847-504-2734 for reservations and more information. ... PRENTICE PALOOZA to benefit Friends of Prentice is June 12 at Navy Pier with dinner, dancing and auctions. ... LUPUS FIGHTERS FROLIC at the Orchid Ball on June 26 at the Ritz. Call 312-542-0002 for more information.

IN A SWITCH, WHO IS THE SOCIALITE who told pals she had a facelift when in reality she was black and blue because wealthy, abusive hubby got crazy drunk and beat her beautiful face?

WHO WAS THE ATTRACTIVE BRUNETTE who shed a few tears at the “I Do, I Do,” wedding gown exhibit preview at the Chicago History Museum, because Mr. Right asked for his ring back?

“I’LL WAGER THAT IN 10 YEARS it will be fashionable again to be a virgin.” — Barbara Cartland