Guys only want one thing - sex

05/04/2011 10:00 PM

ANN GERBER

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GUYS ONLY WANT ONE THING — SEX. So warns Dr. I. Major in his new book, Little White Whys: A Woman’s Guide Through the Lies Men Tell and Why.

THE BOARD-CERTIFIED ADULT PSYCHIATRIST insists that within the first five minutes of meeting you, guys believe they know if they’ll see you naked. Meetings head in three directions: the naked zone, the friend zone or the boyfriend developmental league. Whatever happened to flowers, champagne and courting?

IN HIS BRUTALLY HONEST, WITTY ACCURATE PORTRAYAL OF MODERN DATING, THE GOOD DOCTOR says you can live happily ever after, but you must smarten up.

BELIEVE HALF OF WHAT MEN SAY and all of what they do.

WHEN YOU ASK THEM, “ARE YOU MARRIED?” DO THEY ANSWER HONESTLY? Accept no in-between here. It is black or white. If he says, “Yes, but I’m not happy,” or “we’re living apart,” or “I’m thinking of leaving her,” or “I love her but I’m not in love with her,” dump him and run. He will take you to bed, not the altar.

DON’T COME CRYING A YEAR LATER that you wasted your time with a married man. Wise up.

HERE ARE THE FIVE MAIN REASONS people get divorced: communication problems, financial issues, forms of abuse, sexual problems and marital infidelity.

SIXTY-EIGHT PERCENT OF COUPLES SEEKING COUNSELING CITE POOR COMMUNICATION AS THEIR MOST COMMON COMPLAINT.

COUPLES HAVE TO BE WILLING TO HAVE HONEST DISCUSSIONS about everything to handle daily life with a mate — lifestyle, sex, material things, in-laws, budgets and friends.

MARRIAGE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING, reminds Dr. Major. The sharing, the caring, the family roots you put down. You must remember to respect each other ... enjoy spending time together … care about each other being happy. Remember that you love each other.

CHEATERS JUSTIFY THEIR CHEATING because they are not happy and “deserve to be happy.” Tension over money problems must be eased with intelligent planning and adjustment of habits accordingly. Make more or spend less.

TAKE IT SLOW AND TRY TO FIND the person whom you want to experience life with. The reasons for marriage are simple and basic. Don’t let married losers into your life.

Gossip, gossip, gossip

WE ALL SURVIVED DA WEDDING and the best local royal watching parties were the Drake Hotels high teas, with everyone wearing fabulous hats, dahling. Best in show were author Sherrill Bodine, Pat Peterson and eight pals, and Cece Gonzales and Melinda Joseph in strapless gowns and big, flattering, face-framing chapeaux.

A ZANY ANTI-SUPERSTITION party on Friday, May 13 at Butch McGuire’s is just $13 and benefits the Lake Shore Animal Shelter. Call 312-409-1162.

BRILLIANT EQUINE ARTIST Thomas Allen Pauly has a solo exhibition of his paintings at the Kentucky Derby.

DESIGNER TO THE STARS Pamela Roland has a Neiman Marcus trunk show May 10 and 11. On May 26 and 27 Oscar de la Renta will offer his fab fashions there, too.

ZANG TOI charmed all who saw his Saks fall collection for the Costume Council of the Chicago History Museum. Sharon Stone and Eva Longoria wear his creations.

DOE THORNBURG LEADS THE International Women’s gala at the Ritz May 6.

100 YEARS OF SERVING WOMEN will be marked May 7 at the Infant Welfare Society benefit in Lake Forest honoring Abbott and Sidley Austin LLP for their support.

OPRAH’S BEST BUDDY, STEDMAN GRAHAM, author, life management expert, reveals his “Nine-Step Success Process” May 18 at 8 a.m. at Holiday Inn Chicago Mart Plaza sponsored by the Greater North Michigan Avenue Association. Call 312-642-3570.

WHO WAS THE BLOND DIVORCEE so drunk Saturday night on Rush Street’s Viagra Triangle that one eatery’s valet parker took pity on her and carried her to her nearby condo?

WHO IS THE SUPER-RICH SNOB who wears only cashmere socks — and then only once! He throws them away because he says after washing they do not have the softness he craves. (He’s the father-in-law of one of our popular socialites.)

YOU THINK ONLY FASHIONISTAS ARE CRAZY FOR THEIR CLOTHES? Who is the business exec who puts a note in the pocket of every suit he wears reminding him when and where he donned that designer creation, so he won’t wear it with the same friends?

HER GARLIC ADDICTION has ended a marriage after seven stormy years. He warned her for the past two years that he couldn’t stand her smell but she prefers being stinky to being wed.

SHOP IN CHICAGO is just one of the rewarding, fun events planned by the dynamic duo of Cece Gonzales and Melinda Joseph. These two beauties have their fingers on the pulse of our town’s shoppers via their Raymi Productions. Two of their fans are Candace Jordan and Bonni Gross. Besides their successful business endeavors, Cece and Melinda have an enviable history of charitable events. As we always say, you can’t beat beauty and brains.

TIME AND TIDE WAIT FOR NO MAN, and even George Clooney is getting older. The handsome leading man turns 50 on May 6, and that hint of grey in his hair just makes him more mature, more Clark Gable-like. Remember George in “ER”? While in Chicago with that cast, Clooney’s fave dining spot was Rosebud on Rush and his dishes were cavatelli and chicken vesuvio. He’s our fave dish. Happy birthday, George.

MICHAEL LERICH AND HIS FINE ORCHESTRA will make the Chicago Symphony Orchestra Swingin’ Auction June 22 at the Casino a hot ticket. Lerich’s Benny Goodman Tribute is merely sensational.

THE GLOBAL FINANCIAL CONFERENCE IN ROME kept trader Jeff Silverman busy so fashionista wife, the petite fashionplate Mary Kay Touhy had ample time to check out what is hot and what chic Italians are wearing. The men, even in jeans, sported crisp shirts and jackets with perfectly cut hair — molto bello! Jeff noted the women have curves but are still slim, as everyone walks here and gas is so expensive. On the Via Veneto, femmes are in ankle-length, fitted pants with jackets and ballet flats — no wide legged pants, despite what Vogue reports. They are in shape … no jiggle in the jello. People were wearing white with no scarves, even in Missoni land.

“GORGEOUS SUNGLASSES are as fantastic and chic as jewelry,” said Mary Kay, “and men do make passes at girls who wear sexy glasses … Handbags are medium size and not ornate … Curly hair is shoulder length. Rings and bracelets are layered on … Orange and fuchsia are the “it” colors, with ivory and light blue trailing … Didn’t see much black … Dazzling bling-bling on sandals and stilettos. Beautiful belts circle small waists. Dresses are fitted, lady-like, as are coats and jackets — nothing elaborate.”

TOUHY SAW STUDS — no, not Italian eye candy, but metal studs on belts, shoes, purses. Prada’s striped orange and multi-colored dress has been knocked off by every small boutique. No denim anywhere, she reported, and urged fashionistas to hit the gym so they can look fabulous, dahling, in the newest, body-hugging styles.

IT IS “BIRTHER-PROOF” RELIGION for new bride Kate Middleton. In a secret ceremony the bishop of London confirmed her into the Church of England, just weeks before the wedding.

A GREAT HOST and a great friend was genial William Sullivan, known in Vegas and Chicago for his own bar Sully’s, and later, for junkets to casinos. It was Sullivan who helped actress Barbara Eden open her Huckleberry’s restaurant on Oak Street that has a short but glamorous stint in the 1980s. He died of a heart attack at 78.

SOAP OPERA QUEEN SUSAN LUCCI has a warm, frank and satisfying biography, All My Life, that her fans will savor. Her private life isn’t made up of scandal and regret and she has been married for 40 years to Helmut Huber. Denny Cummings, chairman of the Union League Club Writers’ Group introduced Susan when she spoke before the SRO audience recently. Her role as Erica on “All My Children,” endeared her to millions but many quarreled with her “abortion” on the TV show and she was surprised she was vilified by some viewers. In her book she identifies 164 of her favorite things including creams and lipsticks. Susan met Huber when she was a waitress and he was a chef in 1964. His loving support throughout her career tells a true love story that nothing on TV can rival.

AN ELEGANT PRIVATE HOME is the site of Bright Promises’ fine dining, Hollis Resnick singing, mini-auctioning benefit May 14. Michael Kornick does the cooking. Hosts include Jim Kinney, Sean Eshagy, the Bob Zentners, Gerri Shute and Brian White.

ALWAYS ONE OF THE BEST PARTIES of the season is the Juvenile Protective Association’s black tie at the Four Seasons. This May 20, Joo Boe is chair. Joshua Mintz is board prez, Richard Calica is JPA executive director, and on the board are dedicated volunteers like Susan Crown, Doreen Rogers, James Stone, Fred Tokowitz, Aria Knee, Angelo Kritikos, Maura McBreen, Robert Moore and John Quille.

CHICAGO’S HOTTEST 30 UNDER 30 LIST compiled by Refinery 29 included, of course, super talent Lynne Bredfeldt of the Park Hyatt Chicago. Its popular NoMi facilities reopen in June.

RAISING $900,000 at its annual gala, the American Committee for the Weizmann Institute of Science honored Abbott for its goal of helping people live healthier lives. Mary Ann Childers and Jay Levine were MCs and 400 attended the Fairmont Hotel benefit. The speaker was Daniel Zajfman, president of the Weizmann Institute of Science in Israel. Renee Crown was dinner chair and William Marovitz was event chair. Guests included Christie Hefner, Marshall Levin, the Ron Sklares, the Larry Margolies, David Orr, Randi Nelson, Lois Zoller, Jim Mills, Jennifer Stephen, Lesley Williams, Bob Habeeb and Tom Kehoe.

IT IS ALWAYS A PLEASURE to see Maggie Daley out and about and we expect to see much more of her even though Da Mayor is out of office. She was our choice to be Mother of the Year every year, with her dedication to family, her husband, her beloved city of Chicago and her educational, charitable and cultural works. She is pictured here with Bill Farley at the luncheon for Arianna Huffington at the Casino. Happy Mother’s Day, Maggie.

MOTHER’S DAY REMINDS US how much we owe the woman who birthed us, wiped our bottoms, fed and protected us, did the best she could to make us warm, safe, smart and happy. Even if she did a lousy job, she tried, and sacrificed much for us. What do you owe her? Everything, regardless if you are miserable or content.

“THE STORY OF A MOTHER’S LIFE: TRAPPED BETWEEN A SCREAM AND A HUG.”

— CATHY GUISEWITE

CONTACT: annbgerber@gmail.com or 847-677-2232



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