WHY NOT A REALITY TV SHOW about death? The medium is already artery-clogged with corpses, bloody body parts, as macho and sexy detectives solve violent crimes with scenarios out of Mickey Mouse’s playbook. Some are so involved with macabre details they defy common sense, but that’s another column. Today let us look at pure and simple death.

DYING ON CAMERA is a natural. Can we look away? Dare we look away? We all know, even though we deny it, that we must die, too, sometime, but not today.

FORMER CHICAGOAN CRAIG EWERT, A COMPUTER SCIENTIST, has led the way. Craig allowed his assisted suicide in a Swiss clinic to be shown on British TV and it created a storm of protest, and some approval. Brits are also obsessed with reality TV shows and when this 59-year-old’s last moments were captured, it even prompted a debate in Parliament where Prime Minister Gordon Brown was asked if it was proper to air the program.

TERMINALLY ILL WITH DEGENERATIVE MOTOR NEURON DISEASE, Ewert is seen in bed, with his wife at his side. He takes barbiturates, then uses his teeth to turn off his ventilator and dies on camera. Ewert had been living in Britain when he became ill. But since that country does not allow assisted suicide, he went to Switzerland, where it can be accomplished.

TAKING HIS OWN LIFE would mean less suffering for him and his family, Ewert reasoned. His wife Mary, supported his decision, made two years before he actually pulled the plug.

SO, WITH ALL THE GARBAGE ON TV, Death with Dignity sounds like a winner. Oprah and Letterman could interview potential “fading stars,” and all of us, frightened to really face death, might be enlightened and soothed. Some states already approve assisted suicide and Jack Kervorkian would be vindicated.

FASHIONABLE SHROUDS, Last Word parties, Last Chance to Say Goodbye black ties, would be popular. Am I kidding?

DEATH IS THE LAST TABOO. There have been Internet “rubbed out” death tapes, but no mainstream action. Surely some eager producer/director will harness this unused reality. Death is the new Life of the Party?

Gossip, gossip, gossip

WHO WAS THE BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN who made this year’s 12th Night Masked Ball the most memorable? She was a member, we hear, of the Secret Society who invites guests, and they wear hooded cloaks to preserve their identities. Well, dahlings, long after midnight, this curvaceous miss took off her cloak and all she was wearing was a pair of cute boots. Naked and with head held high, she walked around the ballroom as onlookers gasped. And then she left the annual party. (No femme takes off all her clothes unless she is confident that she looks fabulous — and this femme was a 10.)

WHO IS THE PUBLICITY HUNGRY CELEB who was banned from a popular club because he was abusing cellphone rules?

CHICAGOANS LOVE CELEBS and so Nicole Richie was swamped with autograph requests when she appeared at Nordstrom’s Michigan Ave. to introduce 2010 Winter Kate Collection.

THE OUTPOURING OF GRIEF after the death of her beloved husband, Dr. Richard Rovner, brought his wife, Judge Ilana Rovner, more than 1,000 letters. She is answering each and every one at 10 a day.

IRREVERENT CHELSEA HANDLER of E!’s Chelsea Lately, met fans at Women and Children First bookstore, where she autographed copies of her latest best-seller, Chelsea, Chelsea, Bang Bang. The non-stop talking daughter of a Jewish father and a Mormon mother is a comic, talk show host, who ridicules everyone and everything with a wit and wisdom that captivates. We watched her on Larry King and she admitted many affairs and getting dumped by her last lover.

SINGER NAN MASON AND TERRY HIGGINS are at the Palm Court in the Drake on April 24 from 9 p.m.

HAIRSTYLIST JOHN LANZENDORF was surrounded by scores of his clients and pals at a cocktail party at Leslie Hindman’s to view jewelry up for auction.

WHO IS THE BUSINESS EXEC who escaped death on the Edens Expressway when the hood of a car flew off a passing truck and smashed into his brand new Bentley? Lucky Stuart Feinberg.

WITH HER FOR A FRIEND, YOU DON’T NEED ENEMIES! We refer to getting even expert Mariana Pasternak who penned The Best of Friends, a new book that crucifies ex-pal Martha Stewart, revealing more than warts and all. Mariana, for 20 years close to the domestic diva, gives examples of why she now sees Martha as mean, evil, a shrew, greedy and vicious. (But she can cook.) Pasternak was Stewart’s neighbor and shared decades of personal events. Martha was a man-hungry divorcee, stalking available dates, much too pushy and needy, she claims. In a New York Post interview, Mariana insists she never went to the washroom when dining with Martha, because she knew Stewart talked behind the back of anyone who left the table.

REDHEAD RUTH RATNY received a Hugo award from the Chicago International Film Festival for her online trade publication Reel Chicago.

JEWELER LESTER LAMPERT DESIGNED 16 of the settings for the rare and valuable gems in the current exhibit at the Field Museum. Son David designed six and mother Maureen Lampert created one, as did Fradine Lampert-Kipnis, Monica Lilak, Pavel Myagkov and Eva Reagan of the Lampert design crew.

“CELEBRATING GLOBAL UNDERSTANDING” is the theme of the gala April 30 for the International Women Associates at the InterContinental that will honor founder Doe Thornburg. IWA’s diverse cultures make for a unique international community of fellowship.

DAY AT THE RACES benefit for the Service Club of Chicago is May 16 at Arlington Park. Laurie Davis says tickets are $130 for the lunch, fun and games.

WE MOURN THE PASSING of dedicated, beautiful Margot Archambault, whose late husband headed Stewart-Warner. Margot was a main-stay for local charities and added glamour and class to all her endeavors. She set a benchmark for civic and social leadership and support.

MOTIVATING WOMEN TO VOTE is the topic of Page Gardner, national president of Women’s Voices, who will be guest speaker April 28 at the Nacional 27 reception for Women for Lisa Madigan. Sponsors include Martha Melman, Suzanne Friedman, the John Cannings, the Michael McClains, Suzie Glickman, Lou Anne Kellman, Doris Conant, Sondra Epstein, Judy Gaynor, Barbara Bates, Janice Rodgers, Lucy Ascoli, Kwang Kim, Missy Lavender and Kathleen Manning.

PROUDEST FATHER IS NORMAN FISHER whose son, Fisher Stevens directed the Oscar winning documentary The Cove about dolphins and their plight. Stevens, an actor, producer, director, is known for his smarts, his heart, and his dedication to worthy causes.

SUPER BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR STUNNING BETSY BRAMSEN was at the Casino with husband Jim and her best pals.

FANS LINED UP TO CHEER basketball great Shaquille O’Neal and his mom, Lucille, at Border’s to herald her book, Walk Like You Have Some Place To Go. Lucille reveals the pain and problems of a young, single mother rearing the future NBA legend.

Also, she tells of her resentment at his success.

BARK IN THE PARK, a doggone fun time for the Anti-Cruelty Society, is May 1 from 9 a.m. at Montrose Harbor. 1,500 pets will sit and stay for a Guinness record, hopefully. There will be contests, a parade and a chance for your pet to be in the spotlight. The Society, at LaSalle and Grand, helps 5,000 dogs and cats a year. Call 312-329-8726.

THE BANGLES will entertain at the AIDS Foundation of Chicago May 1 benefit at the Hilton. It is reviving its annual black tie galas.

WE ALL GIVE THANKS to the Silver Lining Foundation, 134 N. La Salle, for donating $75,000 to the Susan Komen For the Cure fund.

AUTHOR/ACTIVIST/CHICAGO NATIVE DAVID EGGERS heads the May 5 celebration of the 20th year for Facing History & Ourselves at the Hyatt Regency. The program works in 675 schools, with 2,600 educators, to stress honor, integrity and learning from our past mistakes.

MOM EATS FREE during May if three adults bring her to tea weekdays at the Palm Court in the Drake Hotel.

RALPH LAUREN OPENED ITS EXQUISITE SITE in Paris last week, with an elegant eatery, a sister to our popular RL. Steve Lombardo was there for the festivities.

FATTEST CAT ON LAKESHORE DRIVE is plump-and-proud-of-it “Pookie,” owned by Dr. William McDonald. The 35-or-so-pound charmer, confided that “every cat has a litter box and most have ‘dirt’ better than what’s in your column.” Meow! Talk about catty. Pookie, who admits that most of the time she is purrfectly catatonic, brags that her pals include Purris Hilton, Picatso, Cleocatra, Heathcat. Dr. McDonald “met” Pookie when she jumped into his arms at O’Hare Airport. He realized she wanted a swank home on the drive and would thrive accordingly. The good doctor was right. Pookie keeps getting rounder and rounder … but gorgeous!

KITTY KELLEY’S BOOK ABOUT OPRAH has many salivating to get the re-hashed details, but most are yawning. At the Border’s on Boul Mich, a sign that hyped the “tell- all” was slashed with a magic marker announcing, “who gives a damn?”

“I have found out that friendship is quite as important as love and it isn’t any easier than love.” — Brigitte Bardot

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